


Forced words

by Adazka12



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Bullied Hinata Shouyou, Eating Disorders, Hinata Shouyou & Kageyama Tobio Friendship, Hurt Hinata Shouyou, Light Angst, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Multi, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Hatred, Tourette's Syndrome
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-15
Updated: 2021-02-08
Packaged: 2021-03-10 04:40:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 22,955
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27538495
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Adazka12/pseuds/Adazka12
Summary: Hinata Shouyou was 13 when he started to get tics. He, nor' his family knew what was going on. At 1st people didn't notice because the tics were so small, but once they got worse people noticed them. After some time they found out that Hinata has tourette's syndrome. After that, nothing has been the same.
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou/Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru, Hinata Shouyou/Oikawa Tooru, Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru
Comments: 38
Kudos: 166





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Triggers this story may have: 
> 
> \- sel! ha!m  
> \- bullied  
> \- self hate  
> \- slight eating disorder  
> \- anxiety/anxiety disorder  
> \- panic attacks  
> \- getting kicked out/disowned  
> ☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆
> 
> ¡¡ I do not own Haikyuu! Haikyuu belongs to Haruichi Furudate. I own the story line. Art's the story may have will be my own ones or someone's elses (if someone else's I will credit them the best I can) !!

~ 3rd person's pov ~

13 year old Shouyou woke up to his alarm going off. He just sat up on his bed and rubed his eyes. "Time to school," Shouyou said and got up from his bed. He took his school uniform and changed into it. Suddenly his head swings to the side few times. 'Weird' he tought but shruged it off. He went to his bathroom and brushed his teeth. Shouyou smelled something really good, 'pancakes!' He screamed in his head. He skipped to the kitchen, "morning mom!" Shouyou yelled. His mom smiled and said, "morning Shouyou, eat up so u won't be late to school." Shouyou just hummed happily and eated fastly after sitting down to the kitchen chair.  
After he was done eating, Shouyou got up and left to school. "Bye mom! Love you!" He yelled right befor closing the front door.

~time skip to school~

~ Shouyou's pov ~

I sat down to my seat. My head swinged to the side fastly again, just like earlier this morning. 'Weird' I tought to myself again. I just shruged it off again and tried my best to pay attention to the teacher. I squeezed my eyes together tightly and swang my head to the side. 'What is going on' I tought to myself, I was starting to worry a bit. I just took a deep breath and tried to do my math work even tho I didn't understand much of it.

The lunch bell rang. I got my bento from my bag and went to eat with my friends Izumi and Kōji. We talked about random stuff, like sports, food, school. I also told them about the random stims I got today, but they said that it's most likely nothing too important. I just nodded and smiled widely at them.

The bell rang again, meaning lunch break ended, I packed up my bento and rushed to my next class. 'English..' I tought to myself. I sat to my seat and put my bento box away. I sighned as I took my English book from my bag. The teacher came to the room saying something in English, I didn't understand much but I think she said "good evening" to us. I just kinda spaced out and stared into nothing.

I heared someone calling my name. "Hinata, could u anwser the next question," said my teacher. I looked into the teacher and then to the book. "I-I," I started to stutter trying to think the anwser. I just looked down and shook my head. The teacher just sighned and said "try to pay more attention please." I just nodded my head. The class went on and I just looked down spacing down.

~Time skip to after school~

~ 3rd person's pov ~

Shouyou was on his way to a park close to the school grounds. School was over, which means he can go train his volleyball skills. Since his friends have their own after school clubs to join, he will just train by himself. He got to the park and started to play byhimself. He just tossed the ball to the air by himself. It was little boring, but it was still something.

After good hour or 2 of passing the ball around he stoped. It was starting to get dark so Shouyou needed to go back home. He got his bag from the ground and got his bike and started to leave back home to the mountains. His weird stims started again. Shouyou's head swinged to the side fastly few times. 'Again? Why?' He just tought to himself. He just kept biking back home.

When Shouyou got home, he was greeted by his mom. She told Shouyou that food was almost ready. Shouyou just said "okay mom!" And went to his room. He changed out from his school uniform and went to downstairs.  
( **A/U** : also! In this fanfic Shouyou don't have a sister. Sad i know.) I just went to the livingroom to watch some tv befor the dinner was done.

After about 10 minutes the dinner was done, so Shouyou's mom called him to eat. He and his mom ate together in the table. "I got some news to you Shouyou," she said to his son. "Oh, ok- what is it?" Ahouyou asked, little bit scared what was it about. "I am dating someone new. And we have been going out for good 3 months now. I didn't want to tell you sooner bc I 1st wanted to see how it goes," His mother told him. Shouyou took a little to swallow the sudden news. But then he said, "ah- I'm happy for you mom." His mom just smiled and talked again, "he has a son, around your age. I think few years younger. You will be meeting them soon." Shouyou just nodded and ate rest of his dinner. He was kind of scared to meet his "new dad and brother" but didn't say anything. Duet him being scared and slightly anxious his head swang to the side fastly few times again. After being done, Shouyou thanked for the food and got up and left to his room. He started doing his homework. Well atleast tried. He didn't understand much, so he just gave up. He went to take a shower.

~Time skip to 6~  
( **A/U** : the time skip is 6months from the last text. Sorry if it's lil confusing)

~ Shouyou's pov ~

My mom's new boyfriend, Jake, and and the boyfriends Son, Max, now lives with us. My stims also have gotten worse. My mom has started to notice them and has ashed me about them but I just tell her that I don't know why they happen. Bc of the stims getting worse, they also make more noises, like banging the desk. My teachers tell me to calm down and not to bother the class, I just say sorry, but they just keep happening. Teachers tells my mom about me bothering the class all the time and I juat get yelled at. Only time they calm down a little is when I play volleyball. Meaning they don't bother me playing, not too much atleast. I don't really know what, but something changed when my mom and her boyfriend moved together. She became pretty mean to me and ignores me a lot. Maybe it's bc of her "new son" Max. He never bothers anyone in class, get's straight A's and is even the class president. He also is the captain of his school's football team. The 'perfect son'. Am I just too stupid and loud to be seen as a good son, now that Max is here. Maybe? I guess I need to get used to it.

I was in my room, trying to study for an exam. Ofc again I didn't understand anything and no one was going to help me with it, so I didn't even ask for help. The weird was going crazy at that moment and my mom walked to the room to give me my clean clothes. "Maybe we really should get you to doctor. Maybe they can help you," my mom said to me, befor I could anwser she talked again, "also, you wil be making dinner today. Me and Jake are going for a date today." I just nodded as an anwser. She left my room leaving the clean clothes. I kept trying to understand the stuff for the exam. But I gave up duet not understanding and bc of the weird stims.

I got up from my school desk and put the clean clothing from the bed to the cabinet. I layed down to my bed, I was laying down on my bed while holding a soft volleyball. I started to toss it up, it doesn't feel right, but I'm not allowed to use real volleyball inside the house, because last time I broke a water glass that was in my room.

I went downstairs to the kitchen after an hour. I started to make some dinner, I was little tired, so I just made something fast and simple. I called Max to eat befor I left to my room with my bowl of food. I was trying not to spill anything, and I didn't, for once. Usually the stims like to move my arms so I spill a lot of stuff. I don't know why my mom make me do dinner. She knows I have the weird stims, i might cut my finer or something while cooking. Usually my stims are not that bad while cooking, but they still happen. But while I play volleyball the stims calm down almost fully, there is just left some head swinging and blinking.

~time skip to next day bc author is laZy~

~ 3rd person's pov ~

Shouyou's mom woke him up the next morning. It was saturday, so he was little confused. "We have the doctors appointment. We were lucky to get the appointment for this morning. Now we get to know what is wtong with you. So get up," she said. You coild hear slight angryness/disapointment from her voice. Shouyou nodded and said "okay mom. I will be there in 10mins." He got up from the bed rubbing his eyes. He went to the bathroom to clean his face and to pee. Then he went back to his room to change into some clothes. It was cold, so he decided to wear a orange hoodie and pair of gray sweatpants. After putting on pair of clothes he went downstairs. Shouyou went to the kitchen, so he could drink some orange juice befor leaving.

He went to their car, and his mom was there already. She started the car and drove to the doctor's. They didn't talk much, there were some music on so it wasn't fully quiet. After they got to the doctor they went to wait. They just sat there quietly waiting Shouyou's name to be called.

After few minutes he was called, by a tall black haired man. Shouyou and his mom stood up and walked to him. The tall man looked at the 2 and nodded and said, "follow me please." He smiled and walked to his office. The 2 Hinata's followed the man to the room. "I'm dr. Jonson. Nice to meet you Hinata Shouyou and Hinata Tōri. You called for an appointment for "my son has weird movements" what kind of movements they are?" The doctor asked. "Um- they change- they didn't start as much but has gotten little worse- um- stuff like swinging my head, hiting tables, blinking.." anwsered Shouyou looking down a little. The doctor nodded writing it down, then he said "I have a slight idea of what it could be, but u didn't say anything about vocal tics, so it maybe something else too." Shouyou looked little confused but just nodded.

~Time skip to after the appointment~

~ Shouyou's pov ~

I was sitting in my room reading the paper the doctor gave me. "Tourettes," I said to myself. He told me and my mom to make another appointment if any "vocal tics" start to evolv. Then we could start the process of seeing if I have tourettes or not. He also explaned to me what 'TS' is. 'Doesn't sound too fun, but I wouldn't stop me from playing volleyball' I tought. Let's just hope the vocal ones won't start.. it would make more noises and annoy my teachers and class. I'm already bearly passing my classes so, anything to bother my classes making me fail won't be needed.

\---------------------------------  
Word count: 1922 words

**A/U** : heya! I hope you enjoyed the chapterr! It may be slighyly boring but I will try my best to make it more entertaining and so yeah! I have never really published any of my work so •>• I'm slightly scared.

Have a nice day!

If u want, give me any feed back, u can give some!


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A/U: heyaa! Just gonna tell that this chapter will be again a "little" skip foward. So another about 6 months foward from the last chapter! So Shouyou is now 14 in the story)
> 
> ⚠️ warning! this chapter has some abuse in it, be aware and don't read it it triggers you ⚠️

~ 3rd person's pov ~ 

Shouyou woke up to his alarm going off. He groaned and sat up. His head jerked to the side and he hummed a little. Shouyou's vocal 'tics' started few months back. They weren't too bad yet, so they didn't bother the classes much. But they did as they were told by the doctor, they went to another appointment if his vocal tics start. Well they did, so they went to the doctor's again. Now they need to keep eye on Shouyou's tic for some time befor they can actually know if he has tourettes. He got up from his bed and went to bathroom. Shouyou washed his hands and face. He hummed and jerked his head to the side. "Why did I needed to get this?" He asked himself. He jush sighned and went back to his room, so he could put on his uniform. 

He was done changing and have put his books into his bag. Shouyou went downstairs to make some breakfast for himself. He tried to be as quiet as he could, so he wouldn't wake anyone up. Shouyou didn't want to get yelled at bc is making so much noise. His tic made him jerk his hand, what had knife in it (bc he was cutting up bread), fastly. The knife slit a cut to his arm. "Tsh- f-fu- that hurt," Shouyou said quetly. He washed it and put some bandaid over it, since the cut wasn't too deep or big. 

After eating his breakfast, he went to put on his shoes and jacket. After doing that he took his bag and went outside. Shouyou took his bike and went to school.

~ Time skip to 1st class ~

~shouyou's pov~

I was in my homeroom teachers class. I was trying not to do anything to disturb the class, but it just made them worse. Thank god the teachers have said to me about the tics and stuff less, since we told them that I might have a tourettes. I get some mean looks from my classmates, since the tics can be like me banging the desk, moving weirdly (kinda like when u get shivers like that) or just making some little noises. 'Thank god it's almost summer holiday,' I tought to myself, 'even tho then I need to then be with my family all of the hours of the month.' I sighned a little. I was looking outside from the window, again not really paying attention to the teacher or the students. I every now and then get little tics when I'm looking outside. I kinda feel little more calm in a way like that.

The teacher was calling my name. I looked at her confused. "Do you have any idea what I have told to the class past 30 minutes Hinata?" Asked the teacher. I just looked down a little and shook my head. The classroom burted out laughing. 'They are laughing at you stupid' said a vokce back of my head. I jerked my head to the side few times. "Now now, calm down class. Please try to pay attention to the class Hinata, you don't need your grades going any down," said the teacher, befor starting to talk to the class again. 

I was trying my best to pay attention to the class, but it was hard. It was hard bc of the tics I have. That's not all of the reason but that's biggest part of it. I started to just doodle something random like volleyballs to my notebook. I suddenly slammed my fist to the table. I felt everyone's eyes on me. 'God. I want to disapear,' I tought to myself while hiding my face to my hands. I was trying not to cry. All the stuffs back home (mom ignoring me, telling me I'm useless, just leaving me on my own bc she has "better son now") and having like no friends at school anymore. Sure I have my childhood friends but we haven't really been together much either. Everyone stares at me when ever I do anything and laugh when I do something wrong or fall or drop something. 'Thank god there is only year of this and I can go to new school,'I tought and sighned. 

I heared the lunch bell ring. I took my bento box from my back bag and went to find Izumi and Kōji. I found them and smiled and sprinted to them. "Heyy! You want to eat lunch together?" I asked while my head was jerking to the side fastly. They looked at each other befor looking at me. "Sure," they said at the same time. 

I smiled and walked with them. They got some foor for the school's canteen while I was finding an empty table. I found one and sat there opening my bento. I didn't have a lot, because I needed to pack it in a hurry. I still had some toast, rice, veggies and some water in a small waterbottle I owned. 

After a little Kōji and Izumi walked to me with their food. "Sorry, the line was pretty long," apologied Izumi. I just told them it was alright. We started to eat and talk about random stuff. 'The only good part of today,' I tought to myself. I slamed the table and hummed loudly. Kōji jumped up a little bc it scared him, izumi just looked at me. "Not to be rude, but why can't u stop doing those movements?" Asked Izumi. I just smiled a little and anwsered, "doctors think I have tourettes. And these are my tics that are "evolving", and they just happen even if I don't want to." They just nodded and then Kōji asked, "when will u know if u have tourettes or not?" I just shruged. Since I didn't really know myself either. "They were talking something about a year of just seeing if my tics stay or get worse- I don't really know," i anwsered. They nodded again and left the subjekt to there. We kept eating and talking till lunch break was over. We said our bye's and we left to our classes.

~ time skip to after school ~

~3rd person't pov~

Shouyou was on his way back home. He was going pretty slow, since he didn't want to be told how disapointed his mom was on him and how she never asked for a "broken" kid. 'What even happend to my mom? She was sweet and caring befor her new partner came to our life,' he tought to himself. Shouyou stoped at a park and went there to get his head out of home and school. He got his volleyball and started to throw it up and down. 

After a good 30 minutes he started to go back home. If u can even call it home anymore. His tics started to act up again. The closer he got home, the worse the tought got and so did the tics. Shouyou just sighned and kept going till he was back home. Shouyou left his bike to the side, took his bag and volleyball and went inside to the house. 

~Shouyou's pov~

I heared talking and laughing from somewhere. It was my mom, the new dad, Jake and the new son, Max. "They are eating without me again," I mumbled under my breath. I went to the kitchen to see if they left me any, but yet again, they didn't. I signed and made some ramen to myself. I hummed loudly as a tic as my head swang to the side. I heared steps. I looked at the kitchen door and saw Jake standing there. "Could u make less noises. Me and my family are trying to have a nice dinner," he said coldly. "B-but I'm part o-of the family too- I-I was here firs-" befor I could finnish the sentence, my head was slammed against the kitchen cabinet. I whined a little bc of the pain in my head. "You are not part of the family. She has better one and she's much happier like this. We don't need you or your loud ass," he said spitting on to my face. I just nodded shakily and he let go of me and I fell to the ground. I felt a palm hit my face. Some tears fell from my eyes and my head jerked to the side. Jake talked again, "Weak ass bitch." I heared him leave back to "his family" and told my mom he just "gave me a small innocent lesson". I could hear my mom laugh and say ok as an anwser. 

After few minutes I stood up shaking a lot. I ended up leaving to my room without eating anything, even tho I made myself some ramen. I was shaking the whole time, I fell to the floor once I got to my room. My head started to jerk to the side fastly, it hurted my neck. I crawled to my bed and curled up. "Maybe I am just weak bitch," I said quietly, befor drifting to sleep. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Word count: 1570
> 
> A/U: heya! I hope you enjoyed the chapter! It's slightly shorter than the last one. I promise I will try making the stoey more intresting ;^; I am trying. I am kinda new to making stories that I actually will post. But I think it's pretty good for something I haven't planned befor hand. I'm just writing how I am feeling at that moment. 
> 
> Also! Next chapter, again, will be after some time skip. Just to save time and start making it more intresting in a way i guess? Tell me if there is any way I could make the story any better! 
> 
> Have an amazing week! O will try writing the next part and publish it this week once it's done!
> 
> Thanks for reading! 💗


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A/U: heya! This chapter, as I said, will be another time skip. This time the skip will be year from the last chapter. Meaning Shouyou is 15 rn
> 
> The credit of the pic ^ belongs to @ hiya_cass from instagram! 
> 
> Hope you enjoy this chapter!)
> 
> ⚠️ Warning: This chapter contains self harm, abuse, disowning, slight eating problems⚠️

~Shouyou's pov~

It's been year, my tics has gotten worse. Today, I will find out if I have tourette's or not. It's most likely that I will have it. The relationship with me and my family has gotten worse. My step dad, Jake, abuses me, with words and by kicking me and hitting me. My step brother, Max, calls me names. Names like "stupid, annoying, worth of space, unloved". My mom just ignores everything. It almost hurts more than my bleeding cuts and dark bruises. 

I am doing like shit mentally. I am self harming. I havr lots of scars and fresh red lines on my arms and legs. Some even on my stomach. No one has noticed or no one just cares enough. I started doing it about half a year ago. It's kind of like escaping all of the toughts, loneliness, emptiness. 

Only thing to keep me alive at this moment is volleyball and my best friends Koji and Izumi, the only people who care. They don't know about the self harm, but they know I bearly get to eat. It's not that I don't want to eat, it's that my "family" have told me I don't deserve food, so they don't let me eat. So I need to eat secretly or I get food from my friends. Hate to bother them, but they say it's ok. 

I woke up from a bang on my room's door. "Wake up brat!" Yelled Jake. I just got up and put on a hoodie and sweatpants. I went to the bathroom, I looked at myself from the mirror. "I look like shit," I told to myself. I had bags under my eyes, I was very skinny and white as a ghost. I also had some cuts and bruises on my neck and face. "Stupid Jake," I mumbled under my breath. I washed my face, used the toilet, went back to my room to take my phone. I took a deep breath befor walking out from the room. I went downstairs to wait my mom, so we could leave. 

"Morning stupid man whore," said Max. I just looked down and anwsered with quiet morning. Oh yeah, they also found out I was gay. What a fun night that was. Jake walked to the room and slaped back of my head as an 'morning'. My head swang to the side and I hummed. "Maybe sometime me hitting your head would fix it," Jake said. My mom walked to the room. She said morning to Max and Jake and ignored me, like usual. 

~3rd person's pov~

Shouyou and his mom went to the doctors. Shouyou was playing with his fingers all the way there, his head jerking to the side time to time and arms moving foward a little every now and then too. He also hummed most of the ride. 

Once they got to the hospital, where they will meet the doctor. Shouyou was jerking his head to his side anxiosly while waiting his name to be called. After few long minutes a doctor walked there and called, "Hinata Shouyou." Shouyou got up and walked to the doctor with his mom following behind. The doctor smiled and said, "follow me please." Shouyou and his mom followed to the doctor to a different room. 

The doctor, apperently named 'Kondo Arakan', so said in his name tag on his jaket. "I'm dr. Kondo, sadly dr. Jonson coudn't be here today, he has been very busy lately," said the doctor friendly. Shouyou juat nodded his head and hummed trying to calm down, so his vocal tics wouldn't get bad. "So, does my son have tourettes? Or is it aomething else?" Shouyous mom asked the dr. Kondo.

"Well," the doctor started, "since your son's both vocal and motor tics has started, yes he has. Ofc just by there we can't know for sure juat like that, that's why we have been eyeing your son for a year now." The doctor stoped a little and took a look at his papers and then looked at Shouyou, who was having some slight tics right there. 

He smiled at Shouyou and then started speaking again,

"and his tics been going without stopping for a year, sometimes there is non, like while playing volleyball. And sometimes they have been really bad. Like in classes. And there is always going on some kind of tics, with little stops inbetween. Or so it sais in the notes u gave us." 

Both Shouyou and his mom nodded. "And is there any cure for this Tourettes?" Asked Shouyous mom, sounding slightly annoyed. 

The doctor laughed a little befor anwsering, "well, there is no 'cure' for TS. But there is medication for it, to lessen tics or try block them. They have their side effects ofc. But for now, since your sons tics aren't so severe, I wouldn't give you any medication for it." 

Shouyou's mom nodded looking little annoyed. 'So my useless "son" will stay like this for rest of his life. Maybe I should just kick him out.' tought the mom. 

~ **time skip after doctor's appointment in the car** ~

~Shouyou's pov~ 

I was in the car next to my mom who was driving. I was playing with the cuffs of my hoodie and blinked my eyes. I was really trying not to tic a lot. My mom sounded really annoyed. I could hear her mumble stuff like "stupid boy", "useless and ill" and other stuff like that. It hurt a lot, even tho I didn't show it. I just looked down to my hands and legs. 

My mom parked the car and I got out. She was still in a car, since she was calling somewhere. I walked inside the house and hoped no one would be there, but just my luck, Jake was there. I looked up to him in slight horror, trying to say 'don't- please', but nothing came out from my mouth. He took hold of my hair, he yelled at me and called me names and told me how I was ill, sick, useless and stupid. He hit my head to the door befor walking to the livingroom. 

He threw me to the couch and took hold of my arms. He smirked befor taking a glassbottle and hit it to my back and head. I tried not to scream but still a quet scream came out. "Shut up brat!" He yelled at me. I just shook my head and strugled to get out from his strong hold. He pulled up my hoodies sleeve. I froze, 'he will see my scars,' I tought to myself in pure horror. 

"So you are also weak, can't take a little hit?" He said and took even stronger hold of my hands, diging his nails to my skin. Tears shed from my eyes. "S-stop- p-please-" I said quetly, bearly any noise came out from my mouth. He moved us again, slamed me to the wall, making me fall to the ground. He hit me in the face and kicked me into my stomach. I started to cough curling up. 

"Leave from my sight bart," said Jake. I just got up and went upstairs to my room. I locked my door and I fell to the floor leaning to the wall. "W-will this ever stop?" I asked myself quetly. More tears made it to my eyes and I was crying on the floor. Befor I even knew it, I was asleep on the cold wooden floor. 

I woke up. I looked around, it was dark, only one thing was going on in my head. 'Cut.... cut.... it'll make it better...' it was like a record playing in my head. It didn't stop, I got up slowly and went to the bed side table. I opened it and took a cold small metal blade from there. I lifted my hoodies sleeves up and bought the blade to my wrist. I cut 3 small cuts.

'Not enough..' the record in my head told me. I moved the blade to a different spot, I cut long deep cut upwords from my wrist to my elbow. Where I knew was a big vain, artery. I was shaking as I saw how much blood was coming out from it. 'Good. Now time to sleep' the toughts in my head said. My sight went blurry and I fainted. 

After a little I woke up again. I was laying in my blood. The bleeding have stoped. I got up with shaky legs and went to my bathtoom, so I could put bandage to my arm. I was feeling dizzy, the mix of not eating and losing lots of blood isn't good. After I was done cleaning everything I went to my bed and slept till the morning. 

~ **Time skip to the next morning** ~

~Shouyou's pov~

I woke up to the feeling of someone splashing water to my face. I sat up fastly and shook my head. "W-what?" I asked quetly looking up to see Max. "Get up faggot," Max said. (A/U: please never use the word faggot and don't use the n-word. Max is just a big bitch.) "Mom and dad are waiting you downstairs, so hurry up," he said befor leaving my room. I stood up and put on different hoodie, since the other one got covered in blood and I put on pair of pants. My head jerked to the side and I hit my leg while humming. 

After few minutes I was downstairs. I was standing even tho I was feeling dizzy. I heared them talking together, trying to decide on some stuff. I wasn't really paying much attention at that point tho. My attention was drawn to them when my mom said "you need to pack your stuff. You are moving out from my home." I froze, I just stared at her. After a little, I finaly got out a little "w-what?" My mom sighned and said again, "you are moving out. I don't want someone like you in my home. You can't even keep your grades up. And now you are ill with some sickness like that. I got you a house, I will pay the bills till you are old enough for your own job. I will send some money what u use for living. You are now my son anymore." After she finnished I was just staring at them blankly. 'Ill. Sick. Someone like you. Kicking me out. Disowning' all this was playing in my head. I atarted to scratch my arm and my head jerked to side, what was kind of painfull.

I was brought back to reality by Jake, he yelled, "well! Hurry up and go pack your shit!" I slowly nodded and went to my room shaking a lot. I fell down to the floor in my room. "W-what a great way to end middle school," I said to myself. 

I started to pack, I took the essentuals I need from my room, atleast I get my bed and shelfs and stuff also to my new "home". I was shaking the whole time I was packing. I was scared to think what will happen next. 'Will this be my new start?' I tought to myself. 

~ **time skip** ~

I was done packing after few hours. My old family was gone, so I went downstairs to the kitchen. I ate some food, not a lot so it wouldn't be as noticeble, but enough to fill me up. "How am I supposed to survive this?" I asked myself, "I don't think it's good idea to let someone with Tourette's to live alone." I got back to my room. I sighned and marked 'moving day' to my calendar on my phone. "Few days after I'm done with middle school... I need to learn live alone and go to fully new school (high school)" I tought to myself. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Word count: 2045
> 
> A/U: Heyy! This chapter was really deep... I wasn't thinking making it this deep but it sliped and crashed there. Welp. I'm kinda proud of the chapter tho. Even if I'm not the most comfy publishing them yet haha..
> 
> Hope you enjoyed this chapter!
> 
> (Let's kill Shouyou's family together y'all. I made them such a bitches)


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A/N: heyy! Welcome to read the 4th chapter of this fanfic uwu
> 
> This time there won't be bigger time skips. Atleast planned right now! 
> 
> ⚠️ trigger warning! This chapter contains self harm, suicide toughts and attempt of suicide. ⚠️ 
> 
> I hope you enjoy this chapter!

~Shouyou's pov~

I woke up on the cold floor. "Moving day," I said to myself. I looked around my room that had few boxes in it. I sighned and got up my head jerking to the side. 

There was a loud bang on my door and a man yelling "Start moving your shit to the car u lazy shit!" It was Jake. 'I need to move all it by myself?' I tought. 'Well, atleast I don't have that many boxes to move- since my biger stuff is already there,' I tought to myself again and started to pick up the boxes and put them into the car.

(A/N: *puts my sleeves up and helps Shouyou move the boxes*)

**~Time skip after moving~**

I was breathing heavily at the front door of my new house. "Moving takes a lot of power and energy," I said outloud. After a while of sitting on the floor I got up and started to put my stuff to their places. I started from the kitchen, then going to the livingroom, then the bedroom and least the bathroom with least stuff in it.

It took all day to move and put everything to their places. "Great way to start summer.." I said to myself. I was sitting on my bed in my room. 'It looks so bland and it's really quiet,' I tought, 'maybe little too quiet.' I curled up a little and my head jerked to the side fastly. "Stupid- s-stupid boy," I said loudly as a vocal tic. I hit my thigh few times while I blinked my eyes. 

The toughts were crawling on me again. I felt like drowning. Drowning into an ocean of words that been spit out of people's mouths over the year. 'Useless... annoying... whore... unwanted...' the toughts went on and on. There were many of them, too much. "S-stop- please- leave me alone," I whisper quietly, bearly any noise come out from my mouth. Tears started to fall from my eyes. I got up and walked to my kitchen. 'Do it. End it. It will all end after that' The toughts went on. I hit my leg and jerked my head to the side. I took out a big cook knife from the cabinet. I looked at it and I started shaking. Tears kept falling from my eyes, what made it hard to see anything. 

I put the knife to the table and my legs gave up on me, making me fall to the floor. I was sobbing and hit my head few times saying "stop..stop- please" over and over again. I stood up legs shaking vilently and I went to look for some pills from the upper drawers. I found some, it wasn't a lot, since thw bottle was mostly empty but I took it anyway. 

I opened the cap of the pill bottle and took the pills from it. I were shaking and crying still. My sobs became louder. 

I still felt like drowning. The toughts just pulled me even more down into the ocean. I felt like I couldn't breath. I was trying to gasp air while sobbing. 

I took all of the pills and then took the knife. I put the cold blade against my skin and slit it down, deeper than I ever have. In other arm I made 6 deep lines, while to the other arm I carved the word 'unloved' into it. I fell down and I screamed quietly, maybe hoping someone to care and hear it? 

My toughts and head haven't picked up yet to stop me or even relize what have happend. But it was too late now. 

~3rd person's pov~

Some old lady from the neighbor had tried to knock on the door of Shouyou's apartment. She wanted to ask if everything was ok. And since it was screaming, ahe wasn't sure it was for crying or someone hurting the young boy in the house. She called the police just in case something bad is happening. 

Good thing she did, bc that saved his life. 

(A/N: damn.... I made it hella deep again.. sorry people 💀)

~ **Time skip to week later** ~

~3rd person's pov~

Shouyou woke up on hospital bed squinting his eyes because of the bright light. "You finaly woke up," said a nurse who was changind the bandages on his arms. Shouyou moves his head slowly to look at the nurse. He tries to speak but nothing comes out. "Your cuts are mostly healed already Hinata, so it will be alright. We need to keep you here for a little while tho, bc we need to check on you just to make sure you are okay." Shouyou noded his head slowly, kind of disapointed he couldn't even done that right so he would be underground and not bothering people in the hospital. "We are happy you are alive tho, because you are still young and have lots to live for. You'll be something great. We also gave you some meds for the tics while you were in hospital in the small come in a way. So yeah. We also will get you a therapist to talk to. We'll see what will happen," said the nurse smiling. Shouyou just nodded again, feeling a little better. 

~ **Time skip of another week** ~

~Shouyou's pov~

I just got out from the hospital. My tics started to come back, but I was feeling better, since I got medication to anxiety and depression. I also go to therapy 2-3 times a week. I got diagnosed with eating disorder, anxiety and severe depression. I'm happier now. I also got to know I get to go to Karasuno high school! What is great. I start in a month. I also just some money from my mom. Not a lot but I can survive a month I guess. 

"Well atleast she pays some," I say as I hold the 100€ in my hands. I sighned, "maybe I ahould go buy food," I said and got up from my couch. I went to put on my shoes. I took my key and phone and went outside to the close by market. 

I just bought some foods that will last in the cabinet and some fresh stuff like veggies,milk and bread. I have red every pagade to know ehat has the least amount of calories, fat and such, but still made sure to get protein. I also bought some essentuals like toothbrush and toothpaste. 

Somepeople were looking at me weirdly. Not because I would be dirty or anything. It was because of my tics. My head jerked to the side and I blinked a lot. I also made some clicking noises and I hummed a lot. I had mostly some smaller tics there but I had few gigger ones, like hiting my leg or shelfs. Also screaming some words like "catfood" once I walked past them. 

I went to the cashier to pay my stuff. It cost 30€, that was a lot but atleast I still had money left, so I will survive the month. 

After I got back home, I unpacked the stuff to the cabinets and fridge. I looked at the time. It wasn't that late yet, so I went for a run. I ran for good 20mins befor coming back home.

I want to start moving and exercising more, so I could build some more muscles and so I would have lots of stamina for volleyball games. I also kind of felt disgusting in my body so maybe I would feel better if I move and exercise more. 

I sat down to my kitchen table and started to write out a meal plan for myself. I made list of good foods that have protein and stuff. I also looked at some diets, but none of them really seemed something to fit into my budget rn. 

After about an hour of jerking my head to the side and almost smuging the paper with the pen, I was done. I yawned and looked at the time. "8.30pm, time to take a shower," I said to myself and went to the bathroom. I looked at my white scared skin from the bathroom mirror and felt disgusting. Mostly bc of the scars and me having almost no muscles even if I would exercise a lot. I went into the shower and washed myself. Being extra carefull to not open my old cuts that are healing. 

After I was done with shower, I walked to my bedroom towel around me. I took out some orange hoodie and pair of sweat pants from my closet. I layed down to my bed and scrolled through my phone. I noticed I've gotten some messages. 

**Jake:**

Sent 7.45pm

\- _bitch. I heared you are using your mothers money to live. Get some fucking easy job some depressed faggot like you can do. You also were in hospital? I wish you would of have had died for real._

✔(Read) 

I red the message few times. ' _I wish you were dead_ ' was basicly what he was telling me. It made the dark toughts crawl back to me. I felt like drowning all over again. My mind went blank. Tears fell down from my eyes. 

I felt empty,

Cold,

Lonely,

Worthless,

Unloved,

Sick,

And many more emotions and toughts that I can't put into words. I curled up on my bed and cried my eyes out. "How can 1 person make life living hell?" I asked outloud while chocking to my cries. My tics went crazy bc of the slight panicattack started. I was jerking my head strongly to thw side and I let out small yelps and humms. But nothing too loud, that would make anyone worry. 

'Will it ever get better,'

I asked myself,befor I fell asleep. This time I didn't harm myself physically

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Word count: 1692
> 
> A/N: heyy lovelieesss! This chapter is little shorter, but I hope you enjoy it! It took me some time to finnish bc I have been busy this week and very tired. I also kind of like didn't know where to go in this chapter.. haha... I'm still little uncomfy in a way to publish my stories, but I'm still proud of this chapter :) 
> 
> It was really dark again... very depressing... sorry about that... 
> 
> Shouyou is out from the old house, but still they manage to hurt him, poor baby.. who want to join me kill the family 🥰 
> 
> We'll see again in chapter 5! 
> 
> Any comments about how u liked the chapter or how I can improve are welcome! 
> 
> Have an amazing day! 😁💫


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: heyyy! Welcome to read this chapter! I hope you enjoy it!
> 
> Have a lovely day!
> 
> Also! This chapter is again, time skip, to the start of the school year!
> 
> ⚠️ ! warning: this chapter contains self harm, bullying, panic attacks, not eating and throwing up ¡ ⚠️

**~ Time skip to start of school year ~**

_~3rd person's pov~_

Shouyou woke up to his alarm going off. He groaned loudly and slamed his alarm so it will turn off. "I'm not ready to go.." Shouyou whined, but got up anyway. He went to take a shower, he washed all of the dried up blood from the cuts on his arms. 

After washing himself, he got out from the shower. He looked at himself fron the bathroom mirror. He looked like shit. He was thin and you could see his bones really well. He also didn't have much pigment on his body, so his dark circkles and scars and cuts showed darkly on his white skin. 

His arms and legs were covered in scars, most of them were made by himself, not everything, but most. Most scars he had on his other body parts were from all the abuse, but there weren't as many, since most of them was just bruises. It did left him mentally scared tho. 

He's been living alone for a month now, but it didn't felt much better. It was a little better, but not that much. He went to therapy now, and have medication, and he didn't get abused by his "family" anymore. But other than that, it wasn't much better. He lost rest of his friends, he tried to tell them about how he was feeling and everything he's gone through, but was just told he was a whore who wants attention. So now he was alone. 

His eating habits had also gone bad. He sometimes skiped eating, because he "forgot". In reality he didn't have apetite most of the time. He sometimes went few days without eating. His diet were also bad, he bearly ate anything he would get everything needed. (A/N: like protein, fat, vitamisn, all that stuff) He haves a bad eating disorder. He usually dinays it and sais he's fine or it's normal, so it's usually something not to talk about with him. His therapist have talked about it with him and have said it's bad thing, but nothing have changed. 

Sometimes he may have it so bad that he throws everything up after eating.

His tics also are acting up a lot. They have gotten stronger and louder. The only time they calm down is when Shouyou played volleyball and listens to music or sings. Shouyou don't say it outloud, but he enjoys music and singing a ton. 

Shouyou went to put on some clothes, he took his school uniform from the closet and put it on. It was loose on him, since he was so thin, but it was perfect lenght on arms and legs. It being loos and baggy didn't bother him, it just ment it was easier to hide how thin he was. 

Shouyou smiled while looking at himself from the full body mirror in his small bedroom. "Good, keep the mask up Shouyou," he said to himself befor taking his back bag and walking to the front door to put on pair of shoes. His head jerked to the side and he also whisteled a little. He also had his training clothes and volleyball shoes, because he wanted to join the volleyball team Karasuno has. 

Shortly after taking his keys and putting on his shoes he went out from the door. He walked to school, since he lived near it. Shouyou put in his headphones and put on some music, just so he doesn't need to talk to anyone yet and so his tics would calm down. 

_~Shouyou's pov~_

I was walking to the school, juat thinking and listening to music. Bc of me being in my own world I didn't notice the black haired guy infrot of me, I walked to him. I looked up, said quick sorry befor trying to walk away. I didn't get far befor he took hold from my wrist. I tried not to whine from pain. I just looked up to him little scared and took out onr of my headphones. '1st day and you already bumbed into someone and made them angry.. good job Shouyou,' I tought to myself, waiting to be yelled at or be punched into my face. The tall guy did neither, what a surprise. "Whatch where you walk to dumbass," the blavk haired boy said, sound verry annoyed. I just nodded and walked away once he let go off my wrist. 

"Why was his wrist so thin," the black haired boy said under his breath. He just ignored it, thinking it wouldn't be anyyhing or anyone important (A/N: oh boy aren't you wrong about that pal) and went to find his classroom. 

I found my class. 'Class 1-2,' I tought to myself. I peeked in befor walking in to the class. I went to the seat back of the class and sat down. I still had one of the headphones on and some quiet music playing. It calmed my tics, but not fully. My head jerked to the side fastly few times, making some of my classmates stare at me. It made me feel little uncomfy so I just looked down. 

The teacher walked to the class and and we said good morning to her. She introduced herself to us. She was going to be our homeroom teacher and math teacher for high school.we were told today won't be any subjects, but we will look around the school a little and will go through some other stuff we need to know. The 1st thing we did was introduced ourselfs to the class. When it was my turn, I got up and said, "hey! I'm Hinata Shouyou! Plesure to m-meet you all," my head jerked to thw side and I hummed, "I-I also have tourettes, so I'm sorry if it b-bothers anyone." I flashed a bright smile to them. The teacher smiled and said I could sit down now. I sat down to my seat. I heared few of the guys in my class call me weardo but I just did my best to ignore it. I looked down and played with my fingers. My tics were acting up more and more through the class. Sure the music helped a little but not much. 'I guess school over powers the music and makes my anxiety go high, 'I tought to myself' 

**~ Time skip to after school ~**

I got up from my seat after the last bell rang. I walked to the gym fastly. I went to the changing rooms 1st. I saw one that said it was gor volleyball team so I went in there. I peeked if anyone was there, went in once I saw it was empty. I changed clothes really fast, making sure no one would see my scars and cuts and other stuff. I was weaging a long sleeves under my t-shirt and I was wearing thin running "leggings" under my shorts. Once I was done changing I went to the gym holding my volleyball shoes and a pirce of paper signed and filled to let me join the club. 

I peeked into the gym and it was empty. I changed my shoes fastly and went to the gym. I was waiting for more people to come to the gym. I saw some gray heared guy, bald buy and black haired guy walking to the gym. They didn't notice me at first but then they did. "Oh! Hello! You must be one of the 1st years joining, I'm Sugawara Koushi!" Said the gray haired guy happily while offering his hand for a shake. I walked to him and shook his hand, "heyy! Hinata Shouyou- plesure to meet you," I said smiling widely. 

The other also introduced themselfs to me. Apperently the black haired one is Sawamura Daichi, the teams captain. And the bold one is Tanaka Ryūnosuke, wing spiker in the team. And sugawara is the setter. I smiled at them all and bowed my head as a hello. 

After a while the gym had all of the team in there and also almost all of the people who wanted to join the team. I didn't see ace or Libero there tho, so I went to ask about it. They just kind of tried not to talk about it. 'Did something happen between them?' I tought. 

I looked at the gym door and saw that there was the black haired guy who I bumbed into this morning. 'I-Is he going to join the team- or is he here to kill me?' I tought and froze to my place. Suddenly my head jerked to the side and I stomped my feet loudly to the ground and hummed.

Everyone in the gym looked at me confused. "What was that Hinata?" Asked Sugawara. The word 'Hinata' trigered me a little and my hand hit my thigh. "S-sorry- it's nothing," I said with quiet voice, but enough to them to hear. They didn't look very convinced but they just nodded. "I'm sorry for being little late..," said the black haired guy from the door. "It's alright, we didn't start yet," said Daichi. Thw black haired guy walked inside and bowed his head befor saying, "Kageyama Tobio." 

They all introduced themselfs to Kageyama. We started to practice after that. The team wanted to see what we can do, so we had a practice match, we were put into teams. That was the 1st time me and Kageyama did the quick attack. 

**~ Time skip to after practice ~**

_~3rd person's pov~_

Shouyou was walking back home. He was holding his book bag and his practice bag. He was looking down, not smiling like he would be most of the day in school. He was tired, and was feeling dizzy. 

Shouyou sighned loudly, he was happy that the team is nice and didn't ask much about his stims and tics. Daichi, the teams captain, did ask if he was too warm wearing the long sleeves and long pants. He just told he was alright. 

Hinata was almost at his house, but then, again, he bumbed into someone. Shouyou fell down to his butt and looked up to the person. "Sorry-" shouyou said. It was a tall brown haired guy who Shouyou bumbed into. 'Pretty and handsome,' tought Shouyou. 

The brown haired guy hrlped Shouyou up. "Are you okay young boy?" He asked Shouyou. Shouyou couldn't speak, so he just nodded. "T-thank you- umm.." Shouyou said quietly. "Oikawa Tooru!" The guy, who's name is Oikawa, said. "Thank you Oikawa-san, and sorry about bumbing into you," Shouyou said and bowed his head. 

Oikawa just laughed and said, "it's alright, it was my fault also for not paying attention while I was jogging." Shouyou just looked at Oikawa eyes little wide, admiring how someone can be so pretty and handome. 

Now Shouyou's cheek went little red. 'S-stop with the thoughts Shouou- y-you just met them," he screamed inside his head. "What are you doing here btw? And are you ok? Your face is quite red," Oikawa asked slightly confused. Shouyou felt his cheek get even reder and his head jerked to the side fastly befor he said, "y-yeah I'm ok! A-and I'm on my way h-ho-home.. I live around here.. i just f-finnished my 1st day of high school a-and my practice in my 1st official volleyball team!" Shouyou flashed a big wide smile, and this time Oikawa felt his cheeks become slightly red. 'What a bright smile- cute,' he tought, he slaped his cheeks in his head and smiled. "Well- I'm going that way too- so why won't we walk togethet?" Oikawa asked kindly. That was actually kind of a lie, bc Oikawa lived to the other direction, but he wanted to talk to the orange haired guy more. 

Shouyou just said sure and hummed while snapping his fingers. "Sorry about that... I have tourettes..." Now shouyou was panicing, that was something he didn't want to tell but it sliped out. He felt warm and like he could trust Oikawa, didn't know why tho. He haven't even told his teamates yet. Maybe Oikawa will hate him now or think he's weird. "Ooh- okay- that makes more rence now," Oikawa said. Shouyou looked at Oikawa little shoked, "you don't think I'm weird?" Shouyou asked. "No- you can't do much about that- so like why would I?" Said Oikawa shruging a little. 

After a while of walking and talking they got to Shouyou's apartment building. "Thanks for walking with me Oikawa-san," shouyou thanked him while opening the door. "No problem Hina-chan!" Said Oikawa with loud voice. Shouyou's red went little red from the nickname the older boy gave you. "Oh! Can I get your number?" Asked Oikawa befor I could close the door. I said sure and gave it to him. After I saw him leave and us saying buy I went inside the house. I smiled a little and leaned to my front door. "Why do I feel so happy- and why did I trust him that much?" I asked myself. I took my shoes off and put my bags to the floor and went to eat something small. 

_~??? Pov~_

I saw Oikawa get to his house. "You took longer than usually shittykawa!" I yelled to them. He just smiled at me and was about to say something but I talked again, "don't over work yourself with too long jogs." He laughed and said he won't. "I met someone today- he bumbed into me while I was jogging.. he was cute boy- he smiled widely but still looked sad. His eyes weren't smiling. I walked him to his house befor I came back," Oikawa said. I just sighned, "don't snoop around too much or make him scared of you by asking too much," I said befor I walked back to my house because I was done taking the trash out. And i was done talking to the trash too

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Word count: 2385
> 
> A/N: heyy! I hope you enjoyed the chapter! I have been busy, so it took me a while to write the chapter. I've also been tired lately so yeah- but hope it was good chapter. 
> 
> I'm pretty proud of the chapter myself tho! So I guess that's all that matters... it was little boring I guess but it's alright ^^ i will try to publish chapter once a week! 
> 
> Also! Tis story has 622 reads and 52 (or so) votes! That blows my mind! I didn't expect anyone to read my shi*ty story and enjoy it.. thank you so much everyone!!
> 
> You can always tell me how to improve the chapter and the grammar mistakes- bc English is my 2nd language and not the 1st :)
> 
> Hope you have an amazing day you'all!


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: heyy! Welcome the next chapter of this fan fic! Hope you will enjoy it!
> 
> ⚠️ ! warning: this chapter contains self harm, throwing up, sexual harrasment and broken glass¡ ⚠️

_~Shouyou's_ pov~ 

I was trying to eat some toast and fried eggs, but then I got a message. 

**Unknown number**

18.43 (6.43pm) 

Haya! It's Oikawa here! I hope you are having a great evening. I hope you ate something when u got back home! Text you later, I'm gonna go watch a movie now! See ya Hina-chan! 

✔ Read 18.44 (6.44pm) 

"Oh, it's Oikawa," I said to myself and anwsered his message. 

**Hinata**

18.46 (6.46pm)

Hey! I sure did eat some food! I just finnished it. I hope you ate something too! Talk to you later Oikawa-san 😁

✔ Read 19.15 (7.15pm)

Me juat finnish my food was a lie tho. I didn't finnish my food. I still had half of it. I couldn't pring myself to eat. I felt disgusted. I haven't even gotten much muscle over the time I've been working out. Maybe I need to change my meal plans and diet again? 

I just sighned and stared at my food. My head jerked to the side and I hummed a lot. I ate few more bites and then stoped. Because I just couldn't finnish it. 

I went to take a shower. I took off my clothes and puted into my dirty loundry basket. I took of all the bandage's from my arms and legs. I looked at my body. 

I felt even more disgusted. "Who would want to be with someone like me? I am looking horrible and I hsve tuns of cuts all over my body. And I even got kicked out so i don't even have a family anymore," I said to myself and shook my head and went to the shower. 

I was drying myself trying not to look at my self from the mirror. But when I did. I didn't like it.

I _felt sick._

_Disgusting._

_Worthless._

_Empty._

_Alone._

_Apprehensive._

_Weak_

And so many more emotions that I can't put into words. I just kept looking into the mirror, and ended up throwing up into the toilet, all of the food I ate, gone. I gaged and started to cough violently. It was hard to breath. My tics going wild and gaging, coughing. I ended up throwing up even more. But I didn't have any more food in my system, so I ended up throwing up some stomach acid. 

I flushed the toilet after I was done with it. I could breath better and my tics calmed down. I put towel around myself and went to drink some water to get the bitter taste away from my mouth. It was most likely bad idea that I drank water, but I will be fine. 

I hate how fucked up I am. I can't even handle some little punches or yelling so now I'm here. The thoughts were back of my head, crawling to over power everything else. I tried to distrac myself from it, I was shakily running my hands under some cold water, hoping it would calm me down.

It didn't do much, but it calmed me enough to me not to go into a panicattack. I was taking deep breaths. Just when I was feeling better My tics made my arm swing to the side. A glass fell down to the floor and broke into pieces. I was looking at the floor and the glass pieces. 

The pieces of glass was a trigger. A big one. I was looking at it and I started breathing heavily and shaking. The toughts were crawling back. I tried to walk away, but accidently steped on some piece of glass and fell down and my knees fell to the glass. I cried out from pain. 

'Do it. Now. It's the only way' said the loud voice in my head. I took a piece of glass. I held it tightly, it opened my finger tips but I didn't bother to stop. I put it to my wrist and cut. I cut few times. Just few cut, the sides were riped and ugly, it looked more like a cratch than a cut, but it still helped to calm me down. I took deep breaths. I tried to stand up, so I could clean my wounds, but my feet and knees hurt because of the pieces of glass in them. 

I almosy fell down but I held to the kitchen counter. I took a deep breath and walked to the bathroom slowly. I sat down to the toilet seat and started to pic the glass pieces from my knees and feet. It hurt, but I managed to get most of it out. I cleaned everything and wraped it. "It's going to hurt to walk for a bitt," I sighned. I went back to the kitchen to clean up the mess. 

I thew the glass pieces into the trash and then went to look into his fridge. I really wanted some milk, but I was out. I sighned and went to put on a hoodie and sweat pants. I yook my keys, wallet and phone and went to the grocery store. Right at the corner of the nearest grocery store I was pulled by a hand, to the back of the grocery store. 

I looked up in horror, and saw a man who had lust in his eyes. I started to tear up, scared of what will happen next. I was pushed to the wall and he started to suck my neck a little. I tried to push him away but I was too weak. He lifted my shirt and licked my nipples. I tried to scream, but the mans hand was on my mouth to stop me, My screams were muffeled. I sobed loudly, but the cries were muffeled by the strong and big arms. 

Suddenly my arms where up and being held by strong pair of arms, I felt like my wrists was gonna break. The man tried to pull my pants down. I tried to fight back, but I was too weak and fradle. 

**(A/N: i'm so sorry baby hinata, what have I done- it's gonna be alright, I promise)**

Suddenly I felt the man being pushed off from me. I fell down to the ground sobbing loudly. My pants were midway on my legs and my shirt were off. I only saw a musterious figure beating the man up. My sight was blurry from the tears, so I couldn't make sense of the figure. I felt a jacket being wraped around me, it was warm. Everything went black after that. 

_~Oikawa's_ pov~

I was on my way to the grocery store, since I really wanted some milk bread. I was on a run, so I went to this random one I found on my way. Befor I could even get into the grocery store I heared quiet cries from the back. I walked to back of the store and saw a man all over some younger boy. 

After I recovered from my shock, I noticed that the younger boy was Hinata. I only saw red. I went to the man and got him off of him and beated him up. 

I went back to Hinata and wraped my jacket around him. I noticed bandaides around his arms and scars on his legs. But for now I will ignore it and won't ask any questions. I noticed that Hinata had blacked out, so I lifted him up after putting his pants on his body properly. He was wery light, too light in my oppinion. Specialy for someone athlete. I also saw that his bones were showing a lot. I just shruged it off and went to his house. 

I found Hinata's keys from his pants pockets and went inside to his apartment. It was pretty empty, 'I guess he lives alone,' I tought to myself. I put Hinata down to his small couch and went to his kitchen. I don't usually snoop around but this time I did. I first checked his kitchen, small but clean. There wasn't much to eat there. "I guess he was going to grocery shopping," I mumbled to myself. I went back to the livingroom, since I heared Hinata shift, so I tought he was going to wake up. And he did. 

Hinata opened his eyes and looked at me in horror. His head jerked to the side few times and he sat up slowly. "W-what are you doing here O-oikawa-san?" He asked quietly. I told him what happend, how I was on a ran and found him. He said apologies for the bother again and said thanks for rescuing him. I really wanted to ask him questions, but decided against it. He will tell me on his own if he feels comfy with it. I don't want to scare him.

After a little of chatting I left the appartment, to go back home. Once I was back home I texted Iwaizumi, my childhood friend, about what have happend.

_~3rd person's pov (back to Shouyou's place)~_

Shouyou was curled up on his bed. He was repeating the loop of so many questions in his head. 

_Why did Oikawa-san help me?_

_Why did this happen to me?_

_Did he saw my scars?_

_Why didn't he ask me anything?_

_What if he hates me now?_

_How long can I keep this up?_

_How am I supposed to cover my neck?_

_Can't life just end my suffering?_

_Will it ever get better?_

_Why me?_

There was too many questions in his head, and he had anwser to none. He tried to sleep, but everytime he closed his eyes some kind of flashback came to his mind. His tics were also acting up a lot. His head were jerking a lot and he snaped his fingers and clicked his tongue. 

Shouyou stayed up most of the night, thinking, ' _should I end it?'_ Till he fell asleep. It wasn't pleasant night, but atleast the day was over now. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Word count: 1678
> 
> A/N: hey! Sorry it's little shorter chapter, but I hope you enjoy it! It was pretty horrible writing it.. I'm sorry baby Shouyou... what have I done to you :'d 
> 
> Also, sorry about adding the tics into the lines.. I just keep forgetting and it feels kinda weird. Just know that it is there even if I won't write about the tics often.. I know there will be more tics in the future chapterss tho, but we'll see when we'll get to there lol
> 
> Hope you enjoyed this chapter! I'm proud of it even if it is maybe little weird? Idk tbh XD I try to make longer chapters but I'm busy and exhUstEd. But I will try my best to give you more chapters uwu
> 
> For people who didn't read the none chapter, I will be taking a week brake from writing and publishing at 21.12 till 27.12! I will try publishing atleast one more chapter and maybe a x-mas special befor it but I won't promise anything!
> 
> (I will try to get more to the good side of the story- so not so much angst but again, can't promise anything :'D)
> 
> Have a jolly day/night/evening/morning!!


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: heyy! Welcome back to the next chapter of this fan fic! I hope you enjoy this chapter!
> 
> ⚠️ ! Trigger warning: this chapter contains panic attacks, vomiting ¡ ⚠️

_~3rd person's pov~_

It's been few weeks since Shouyou started in Karasuno high and joined the volleyball team. Shouyou wasn't feeling much better. Sure he was happy playing volleyball, and he was the "happy sunshine" in school. Shouyou was exhusted from acting all happy, but he won't let the mask slip from his face.

In the few weeks Shouyou been in school, he and Kageyama has become really close to each others, best friends. Kageyama doesn't know about the that have happend to Shouyou, but maybe he will tell Kageyama sometime.

Shouyou have gotten closer to Oikawa in the past few weeks also. He found out he goes to Aoba Johsai, and is the volleyball teams setter and captain. Okawa and Shouyou have played some volleyball together on the outside courts close by park. He is an amazing setter, and he has also helped Shouou a lot with the resieves.

Shouyou was in class, not paying much attention to what the teacher was saying. He was lost in his own worlds befor someone was calling his name. "Hinata," the teacher said. Shouyou looked at the teacher. "Y-yes?" He asked. "It's your turn to read," the teacher said again. Shouyou nodded and looked down to the English text book. He had no idea were they were already. "W-where do I need to read?" Shouyou ask while looking down and the book. Some students laughed a little but the teacher told him where to read and tolf Shouyou to pay more attention. Shouyou's head jerked to the side and he read the English chapter, not even understanding what he was saying and the pronounsiasion wasn't very good.

Shouyou heared the class laugh a little once he stoped reading. He felt his head jerk to the side more and snaped his fingers. He looked down to his arms embarrased and didn't say a word after that.

~ **time skip to afternoon practise** ~

_~Shouyou's pov~_

I was the last one changing in the changing rooms, or so I tought atleast. I was never fully sure if I was always alone, since anyone could walk in anytime, but I just need to guess. I was taking off my shirts so I could put on my practice ones. I put on a thin long sleeved shirt and then put on a t-shirt over it. I also put on a thin long pants under my shorts. My teammates know about my Tourettes and tics, I told them a while ago. But I have not told about my self harm, or anything else like that. After I was done, I took my waterbottle, put on a bright smile and ran to the gym.

We started to practice. I hummed a little and my eyes blinked tightly together few times. I was happy my tics weren't bad when I play volleyball. What surely didn't help was me feeling a little dizzy. I just tried to ignore the dizznes of my head.

After a little while, I was just feeling more and more dizzy. But then Daichi called for a break, so I went to my water bottle and drank some and sat down for a little. 'When was the last time I ate something?' I tought to myself. I was trying to remmeber, but couldn't. It's been too long, but I haven't felt really hungry or had any motivation to eat.

After about 5 minute break we started to practise again. It just made my dizznes worse, but once again I just ignored it and the other signs my body was giving me to eat.

~ **time skip to after practise** ~

Befor anyone could leave, Takeda-sensei told us that we will have a practise match tommorow evening, with Aoba johsai. 'That's Oikawa's school,' I tought to myself. Apperently they wanted Kageyama to be the official setter the while practise match. Sugawara told it was okay and we will take the offering. Takeda-sensei boved and told us to rest up and that we could leave now.

We walked to the changing room. I was mostly just chatting and ticking the time people were in there, waiting people to leave so I could take a shower and change into different clothing. "Why you never change at the same time as us Hinata?" Noya asked. I tried to come up with and excuse while tsuttering a lot. "Maybe he's just shy and stuff," said Sugawara befor Noya could ask anymore questions from me. I just nodded my head saying that was it. Noya just nodded a little in disbelieve.

After a little everyone has left the changing room, meaning I am alone. I took of my clothes off. Then took any bandages I had off slowly and took a towel from my back and hoped to the shower. I was humming random songs a little as my head jerked to the side. My neck craked while my head jerked to the side fastly, I don't like the noise of it much, and it kind of hurts but what can I do about it.

I swinged my arms few times. It hit the wall and I groaned a little because it hurt. My her jerked to the side, what didn't make the dizzness any better. I just closed the shower and dried myself up. I put the towel around myself and walked out from the shower. I put on a pair of boxers and turned around from the wall and saw the door was opened. I froze to my place not knowing what to do.

The door opened and Kageyama walked in. He froze when he saw Hinata. "O-oh- you're still here? I left my bottle here accidently...." kageyama said and looked at me befor starting to speak again, "what happend to you? You are covered in scars and cuts?"

I was starting to panic. It was hard to breath and my heart was pounding in my chest like it would burst out from my chest. I fell down to the floor with week knees and breath heavily. I was holding my chest and closed my eyes. My tics started to act up as well, making it even harder to breath. 'Calm down- calm down,' I repeated to myself in my head. It was starting to get even harder to breath, I was feeling even more dizzy.

Suddenly I felt someone taking me and walking me to somewhere. My mind was hazy and eyes blurry, so I couldn't see or remmember Kageyama was there. I was trying to get out from the strong grip, because it triggered bad memories. Suddenly I felt my hands under a cold water, it helped me calm down. A warm big hand was smoothing my back. I finally calmed down and noticed Kageyama again.

"Panic attacks?" He asked. All I could do was nod. This was not the way I wanted my best friend to find out about this, that I'm broken. But to my surprise, he didn't judge me or say I'm stupud or weak. "H-ho-how did y-you.." I was trying to ask how he knew how to help. "My older sister, Miwa, used to get panic attacks sometimes. Our parents weren't home much so I helped her with them. I'm not too much younger than her so I could help," Kageyama told me. I just nodded. I moved my hands from the water and dried them to a paper towel.

Kageyama walked me to the bench and sat me down. I took few deep breaths. "Would you like to tell me what happend to you? It may make you feel better," said Kageyama. He wasn't calling me names, or yelling, or judging me. I trusted him, so I nodded my head a little.

I took few deep breaths, befor I started to tell everything that have happend in the past few years. I started to cry a bit while telling him what have happend. It made my anxiety go crazy, what triggered my tics. Even just thinking how to tell the stuff to Kageyama triggered me a little. I was scratchin my hand as I was taking deep breaths. Kageyama just listened and rubed my back for comfort.

Once I was done telling the story, I was looking down to my lap crying. Kageyama just huged me tightly and said, "I'm sorry that happend to you, it's going to get better." I just leaned to the warmth and nodded a little. I was starting to calm down. "Also, have you aten enough? Your bones are literally showing," Kageyama said calmly. I froze a little and told him that I have aten a little, but it's been little hard to swallow the food or have any stay down. Kageyama just nodded. "I will try help you go through this ok. You're not alone. We also need to tell the team at some point, because you aren't allowed to wear the long sleeves and pants in official match," Kageyama told me. I nodded and played with my fingers.

After a little of us just talking about ourselves and talking about other random stuff, we left the changing rooms. ( **A/N: Don't worry Shouyou put on some clothes** )

~ **Time skip to next morning bc I am lazy rn** ~

_~3rd person's pov~_

Shouyou woke up to his alarm going off. This morning they won't have morning practise, since the evening practise will go longer than usually because of the practise match. Shouyou got up from his bed and walked to his bathroom. After a quick shower he checked his phone. He had new messages from 2 people.

**Oikawa-san**

6.55

Morning Hina-chan! We will have a practise match against you this evening. Don't go easy on me or my team! ;) I sadly won't be in the practise right at the start because I will have a physical therapy appointment this evening for my knee T-T But I'll see you later!!

✔ Read 7.33

**Hinata**

7.40

Morning Oikawa-san! I'm exited for todays practise match, I know your team is strong >:) And I would never go easy on anyone when it comes to volleyball!! I hope your knee is ok tho :( sad that you need to come to the practise late. But see ya later! :))

✔ Read 7.55

Then Shouyou looked the other message he had gotten, it was from Kageyama. "he don't usually text me," Shouyou said outloud and opened the message.

**Bakayama**

7.00

Hey Boke. I was just texting to make sure you are alright. Did you get home safely and eat something?

✔ Read 7.45

"Oh, he's worried about me... I guess telling him wasn't that bad.." Shouyou said to himself and texted Kageyama back

**Hinata**

7.47

Morning Bakayama! I just woke up hehe. And yes I'm alright! Got back home save and sound. I haven't aten yet but will eat real soon!

✔ Read 7.50

Shouyou closed his phone and went to his kitchen in his small apartment. He opened his fridge and looked if there was anything small to eat. Shouyou's fridge was pretty empty, so he went to look throught the cabinets. There were some protine bars, so he took one and ate it and drank some water. "I need to go to grocery shopping," shouyou said to himself, "Maybe Kageyama could go with me?" Shouyou went to pack his school bag. He put on his school uniform, brushed his teeth, took his phone and school bag. Shouyou went to put on his shoes. Once he was ready to leave, he took his keys from the small hook next to the door and went to school

~ **Time skip to evening practise** ~

_~3rd person's pov~_

Shouoyou felt his stomach twist and turn. He was nervous for his 1st even practise match. Once he saw the bus stopping, he sprinted out to take a deep breath of the outside air. Everyone else walked after him. "Are you okay Hinata?" Asked Asahi worried for the smaaler boy. Hinata nodded his head, "Yeah, just nervous." Asahi nodded and went to walk with everyone else to the gym. Kageyama stood next to Hinata, and asked "You sure you are alright boke?" Hinata just nodded and started to walk to the gym behind the other teammates with Kageyama.

Once they got to the gym, Hinata's nervous sstomach didn't feel any better. He said he will go to bathroom and walked there holding his stomach. He found the male's bathroom, but bumbed into someone, making Shouyou fall down to his butt. "I-I'm sorry!" Shoyou yelped fastly. "It's alright," Said the other person with calm voice. 'That's a nice voice..' tought Shouyou to himself. He stood up with the help from the other male. Finally Shouyou looked up and saw a handome male with short and spiky black hair. Shouyou's cheek's warmed up a little. "M-My name is Hinata Shouyou!" Said Hinata with loud voice, while holding hand out for a shake. "Iwaizumi Hajime," Said the male, Iwaizumi, calmly. But then Shouyou felt his stomach twist again and walked to the bathroom and disapeared to one of the stalls.

"So that's Hinata that Shittykawa was talking about," Iwaizumi mumbeled to himself as he went back to the gym. 'Shittykawa was right about him being cute,' tought Iwaizumi and his face heated up slightly. He shook his head and walked back to his teammates seeing that Karasuno was there already too.

_~Shoyou's pov~_

I was throwing up in the bathroom. I threw up everything I had aten today and some of my stomach acid. I felt better tought. I knew it wasn't healthy but I can't help it. I flushed the toilet and went to wash my hands. 'Iwaizumi... I think Oikawa-san had told me someone named like that, he was his childhood friend... I didn't know he was that handome with pretty voice,' I tought while washing my hands. I blushed slightly to my toughts. 'Don't get crush on another man Shouyou,' I said to myself in my head. Then I slaped my cheeks strongly and took a deep breath. I started to walk back to the gym. I noticed some people staring me, mostly because of my tics and that I wasn't wearing their school uniform, but it still didn't feel no matter how many people stare at me everyday. 'Am I just so weird?' I tought to myself as my fingers snaped and head jerked to the side. "Is he here for the practise match the boy's volleyball team is having?" Asked some girl from another. The other girl just shruged his shoulders.

I finally had gotten to the gym. "sorry that it took me so long," I said with small voice. All of my teammates just said it was alright. "You feel better?" Asked Daichi. I nodded my head, I was still nervous, but my stomach didn't hurt anymore. I took of my Karasuno jacket had on still. I felt some people look at me weirdly. 'maybe it's because of the long sleeves and long pants?' I tought.

'Why is he wearing long sleeves and long pants? Won't he feel hot in them?' Iwaizumi tought while looking at Shouyou. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Word count: 2528
> 
> A/N: Hjello! I hope you enjoyed this chapter! It's a little longer than normally, but I don't think u mind that.
> 
> Hinata Finally met Iwaizumi! Just by like telling names but next chapter will have more of Iwaizumi talking to Hinata uwu   
> I'm not sure how much I will write about the actual game, because i don't know how to do that lol-
> 
> I will publish the next chapter in about 2 weeks! Since I will be taking next week free from writing!
> 
> Have a jolly holiday and x-mas! Also have a wonderfull day/night!


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: hello! Welcome back to the fan fic! I am now done with my break, and I hope u didn't miss me too much haha
> 
> I hope every one of you had amazing and relaxing christmas and got some rest! 
> 
> Also! I will not be writing the game,because I don't know how to do that lmao
> 
> ⚠️ ! Warning: this chapter contains fainting, mentions of self harm and panic attacks and vomiting ¡ ⚠️

~ **time skip to the middle of the game** ~

 _~3rd person's pov~_

Everyone was breathing heavily and sweating a lot. Karasuno was winning, was it because Aoba Johsai didn't have their captain and official setter or was Karasuno just better? Who knows, but it was still hard game and Karasuno was bearly winning. 

Shouyou especialy have been running around like crazy in this match. He was nervous at 1st, but calmed down once he had hit Kageyama with a volleyball by accident.

But Shouyou wasn't feeling too great at this moment. He was feeling really dizzy. Like extreamly dizzy. Who knew that running and jumping around after throwing up and not eating would make you feel this dizzy. Hinata tried to walk to walk to the back line, but middle of his step he started to fall. 

Everything was a blurr, Shouyou felt the cool floor and then everything went black. 

Everyone froze when they heard a thud from Shouyou falling to the floor. Karasuno was fastly around the fainted boy. Sugawara ran to get some water and a towel. The older boy wetted the towel and puted over the smaller boys head. 

_~Iwaizumi's pov~_

When I heared a thud from someone falling, I turned around. My eyes went wide. 'Hinata?' I tought in my mind. "He fainted!" I heared someone yell and saw Karasuno rush to him. 'Is he okay?' I tought in my head, 'it's not normal to just faint- right?' I was worried of him. I don't know why, but something inside me just screamed to go see if he's okay and make sure he's okay. Only one I feel like this is Oikawa, even tho I may not always show that. I just was staring at the orange head boy surounded by his teammates. His sleeve was lifted a little and my eyes widen slightly 'scars- and cuts,' I tought in my head. I stayed quiet tho, since I don't know what have happened. 

_~Shouyou's pov~_

After a little I opened my eyes, tried to atleast. Everything was blurry and the lights were really bright. I closed my eyes a little and blinked few times. I tried to sit up. Few of my teammates helped me sit up. I was feeling sick. Someone noticed and ran to get something I could throw up to if I needed to. I moved my head over the bucked and threw up. There wasn't actually anything to throw up other than some stomach acid. But not much of that either. I gaged a lot but nothing really came out from my mouth. 

Sugawara was rubbing my back for comfort, but once I flinched slightly he stoped on his tracks and moved his hand. I felt Kageyama staring me with consern in his eyes. I tried to drink some water but couldn't drink much. My stomach couldn't handle a lot at this moment. 

My team lifted me up a little and moved me to the bench. "I think we should end the game here for now," said Aoba Johsais coach. Takeda-sensei nodded as an agreement. Then right at that moment the doors of the gym opened, Oikawa walked in. He looked confused at 1st befor one of his teammates told him that I had fainted. 

His eyes went wide and he looked at me and walked to me. "You okay Hina-chan?" He asked me, I could hear the consern in his voice. I just looked up and smiled befor anwsering, "yeah! Sorry for scaring you all- I haven't slept well, because I've been nervous about the match and it have had made my stomach go grazy also- so I fainted." Everyone just nodded.

"You know Oikawa-san, Hinata?" Asked Nishinouya. I just nodded my head a little and told that I have ran into him little while ago and we became friends. He just nodded his head befor running away to help with the cleaning. I wanted to help but I was told to just sit down. 

After a little everything was cleaned and put back to their places and we were leaving. I tought said that I will leave behind, since my appartment was little closer from here than from the Karasuno. I said good byes to everyone and started to walk back home. I heared someone yell my name, I froze and slowly turned around. 'Iwaizumi-san?'I tought to myself when I noticed 

_~3rd person's pov~_

Shouyou saw Iwaizumi running to him. He just stood thereconfused befor he felt hand on my shoulder. Shouyou didn't flinch, but did look little uncomfy with the touch. "Hey I have something to talk about with you- is that okay?" Iwaizumi asked. Shouyou just nodded his head and looked little confused and scared. They walked for a bit and sat down to a bench close to the school's gate. 

"So, I know that we have just met, but why did you actually faint? And when u fainted, ur sleeve lifted up a little, I saw scars and some new cuts and bandages. Where did those come from?" Iwaizumi asked, voice full of conser. Shouyou's eyes widend twice the size of his actual eye size. He looked down and felt some tears in the corner of his eyes. "I-I can't t-tell you," Shouyou stutterd and felt his tics act up. His hands slamed to his legs and head jerked to the side. 

Iwaizumi, sowly, started to run circkles on Shouyou's back. He didn't flinch at the older boys touch, it felt like a nice comforting touch. Slowly Shouyou's eyes broke the tears and they started to fall silently from his eyes. Shouyou leaned over to Iwaizumi and cried to his shoulder. 

Iwaizumi was little shocked but just comforted the smaller boy. Slowly Shouyou started to talk. He told Iwaizumi everything. He told everything about his parents and his tics and his self harming. He just poured everything out from his system. Once he was done, Shouyou sat down straight and then he felt Iwaizumi hug him trying to make him feel better. 

_~Oikawa's pov~_

I was walking to the school gates slowly. I saw Iwa-chan and Hina-chan on a bench at the gate. 'Hina-chan is crying,' I tought to myself. Befor they could see me, I hid at the corner close to the school gate and the bench. I was close enough that I could hear them. 

After listening at everything I gasped, the gasp was louder than I wanted it to be. "Who's there!?" I couldhear Iwa-chan's voice. I peeked from the corner and showed myself. Hinata was sobbing and his eyes widen when he saw me. "N-no- I-I didn't want to tell you y-yet- I'm n-not even sure w-why I told Iwa-Iwaizumi-san about t-this," Hinata sobbed. I went there and sat down next to Hinata. "I'm sorry for listening without premmision- I've just been worried and saw you crying here so it made me worry and curious at the same time.. I'm also sorry that have happend to you Hina-chan," I said to Hinata looking down a little befor opening my mouth again, "I will be here for you tho! I want to make sure you eat enough and feel happy and safe! Right Hajime." I saw Iwa-chan go into a small shock of me using his actual 1st name. He nodded his head, "I just met you Hinata but I want to keep you safe," Iwaizumi said calmly. Hinata nodded his head many times. He was starting to calm down, his tics were also calming down to just to be little ticks like humming and jerking his head to the side. 

After Hinata was calm, we all, me, Hinata and Iwaizumi went back home. Me and Iwa-chan walked Hina-chan back home ofc, and we bought some meatbuns for him on the way. 

When Iwa-chan and me were walking back to our houses, I started to talk, "you felt the same way I do? Want to make sure he's okay and safe- from 1st time seeing him." Iwa-chan just nodded his head and hummed as an anwser. "I think I like him Iwa-chan... like more than friends.. but I'm not sure yet," I said quietly. Iwa-chan wraped his hand around my shoulder as we kept walking. "Y-yeah... I think I like him too- even tho I only met him," Iwa-chan said cheeks little red. 'And I have liked you for some time now shittykawa,' Iwaizumi tought in his head. Once we got to our houses we waved and walked to our houses. 

~ **Time skip to few weeks from Hinata fainting and from the practise match** ~

_~3rd person's pov~_

Shouyou has been talking to Oikawa and Iwaizumi a lot past few weeks. They have gotten closer than ever, and actually have a group chat with all 3 of them in it. Shouyou also have become closer to his bestfriend kageyama and his team. He still haven't told his team about his past and his problems, but no one has asked about it either. Shouyou also have gotten some weight, and haven't fainted since the last time. 

He still gets dizzy sometimes, but not as badly. He still cuts,but defenetly not as badly as it used to be, because he texts Iwaizumi and Likawa when he feels bad or like he's going to bad panic attack. They help him a ton, they also biy him food or gets him some of their parents foods leftovers. Shouyou also have met both of their parents, and they were so sweet. They also have had few sleepovers. 

Shouyou also have gotten some strong feelings to both of them. He sometimes cut to the tought that it's not right to be gay or like 2 people at the same time. It was yelled in his head in his own mom's voice. But after Shouyou did small internet shearches about it to see if it was normal and okay. Once he found out it was okay and even had a word "polyamary raletionship" he felt much better about it. 

Now it was saturday, Shouyou just a while ago came back home from his saturday morning practice. He also hang out with Kageyama in a park for a little while, just asking about how was he and stuff. He took a nice cool shower and was texting in the groupchat with Oikawa and Iwaizumi, because they were supposed to come to Shouyou's place so they can have a sleepover. 

Volliballl freaksss 

**Oinkawa** 🐽 

I am so excited to have a sleepover again! We will have so much fun! 

**Iwa-chann** 💪🏼 

Yeah.. we will pring some snacks and some lunch my mom made. 

**Small giant!** 🦅 

Yeahh!! I'm so excited! I hope you get here soon!! Stay safe! 

They talked in there for a little bit longer befor Iwaizumi told Shouyou that they were on their way. 

Shouyou was so happy, he was going to try confess to them this weekend!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Word count: 1880
> 
> A/N: hjello! This chapter is slightly shorter,but I hope u still like it! 
> 
> In next chapter will be their fun sleepover and confessions and fluff hopefully! 
> 
> Have and amazing day/night! See you in next chapter!
> 
> Also happy new years! Hope everyone's new year started well and will be a good year!


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: hello! Welcome back here! 
> 
> I will try my best to proof read my chapters to get rid of some mistakes, even so it won't be perfect, but hopefully it helps a little so it would be easier to read the story! 
> 
> I will try edit and proof read the other chapters too, because I know there is some like easy fix mistakes, like if I have accidently mixed letters or used wrong letter in words and haven't noticed it! 
> 
> I still do hope you enjoy this chapter! 
> 
> Ps. I'm not very good at writing fluff and people getting together.
> 
> ⚠️ ! Warning! This chapter contains, none this time ¡ ⚠️

_~Shouyou's pov~_

I was excitedly waiting for Iwaizumi and Oikawa to get to my place. They have been a huge help for me, I have started to take better care of myself. I have aten little more, so I have gotten some weight back and gotten my natural skin colour. I don't feel as dizzy so often at practise either. I'm happy I got them in my life. 

I was so excited at this moment that I could bearly stay still. This was the 1st time we have had a sleep over at my house. They have many times hang around in my house but never slept over. I cleaned all of it to look nice, I also showered and had some nice but comfy clothes on. 

After about 30minutes, Oikawa and Iwaizumi was here. I heared them open my apartments door, since I have given them the key. I was at the door smiling widely. My tics were fairly calm right now, only some humming and head jerking to the side.

I have also gotten new tic, and it happens a lot nowdays, it's just basicly me fistbumping the air and saying 'whoo!' loudly. My tics where I hit myself or anything like that have also calmed down a lot, so they don't happen as often.

Oikawa was 1st to hug me. I am also now okay with their touch and hugs. It feels nice. If I don't see it or hear anything or if I'm panicing then it may make me jump a little. I huged Oikawa back and smiled. After letting him go I saw Iwaizumi holding 2 plastic bags. "What do u have there?" I asked him curiously. Iwaizumu just laughed befor anwsering, "you will see in a bit, could u take them to the kitchen so I can take off my shoes and jacket?" I nodded my head and went to take the bags from him. 

I walked to the kitchen holding the plastic bags and put them down to the table. Iwaizumi and Oikawa followed me after they had took off their jackets and shoes. "You can look into the bags now," Iwaizumi said. I looked at him befor turning to the bags. I fistbumbed the air and said "whoo" loudly befor I looked into the bags. One of the bags had snacks in them. Also some soda. While the other had containers of food and other stuff like that. "Me and Iwa-chan bought the snacks on our way here, so we could eat them while watching a movie. And Iwa-chans mom made the foods in the containers and my mom bought stuff like noodles and milk and protein bars- so you will have food," Oikawa said proudly. 

I didn't know what to say. I smiled widely, an actual real bright smile. I walked closer to them and huged them tightly. "Thank you! Hmm- what would I do without you," I said and laughed a little. I took the bag with the food containers and other stuff and put it in the cabinets and fridge. While I took the bag with snacks in them to the small livingroom in my apartment. Oikawa followed me to the livingroom. "Where should I put mine and Iwa-chan's bags to?" He asked me. I just told him to put them into my bedroom. He took his and Iwaizumi's bags to my bedroom and then came back to the livingroom. 

~ **time skip to night** ~ 

_~3rd person's pov~_

Iwaizumi, Oikawa and Shouyou was sitting on the couch watching a movie and eating snacks. Shouyou couldn't really pay any attention to the movie,because he was having a little gay panic between the 2 older (and very hot and handsome) guys. Oikawa noticed Shouyou spacing out and blushing a little. He took the tv controller and paused the movie. "Hey! Why did you do that?" Iwaizumi snaped to Oikawa. Oikawa just was looking at Shouyou. Iwaizumi followed Oikawa's look and noticed it too. "So, Hina-chan- how are you? You look little panicy?" Oikawa asked while smirking.

Shouyou swallowed the limp from his throat and tried to stutter something as an anwser, "I-I'm f-fine." 'God damn it why are you 2 so hoott??," was screaming Shouyou's head. "J-just thinking how hot you 2 are..," Shouyou said. And right when he relized what he said his brain went blank and his face was all red. He hid his face to his arms. "S-sorry- d-didn't mean to say that- i-it slipped," Shouyou studderd. 

Iwaizumi and Oikawa was in slight shock of what Shouyou had just told them. They looked at each other befor nodding their head. "You think we are hot?" Asked Iwaizumi. Shouyou just blushed more befor nodding his head. "Well you are pretty hot too, and cute as well," Oikawa added shortly after. 

Shouyous face was even redder now. He didn't know what to say, and went into even biger gay panic and studderd out, "I- I like you b-both a-alot- as more t-than friends! I-I know we haven't known each other for t-that long but I still like you a lot-" Shouyou's head jerked to the side and he hummed. This time Oikawa's and Iwaizumi's faces were blooming red. "We like you too Hinata," Iwaizumi said. "We have tought about it a lot with Iwa-chan- we like each other and we like you," Oikawa added. Shouyou looked up from his hands and saw them both smiling at him. "Y-you sure? I-I'm pretty messed up- a-and don't have a lot to give," Shouyou tried to mutter. "Just you even liking us back is more than enough Hinata," Iwaizumi said, "so, would you like to be our boyfriend?" Shouyou's eyes widend befor he nodded his head many times in a row. He started crying happy tears, he haven't been this happy in a while, sure they as friends make him happy but as boyfriends? What else can u ask for. Iwaizumi and Oikawa wrapped their arms around Shouyou and held him closely. 

Oikawa took hold from Shouyou's chin and moved his head so they were facing each other. Oikawa moved his face closer to Shouyou's till their lips were together. Shouyou's eyes widend and but then he closed them and kissed Oikawa back. Their lips were moving together like a dream. They pulled back and Shouyou took a deep breath. Then he felt Iwaizumi grab his face so this time they were facing each other. Iwaizumi kissed him, roughly but still very sweetly. And their kiss went on little longer. 

Finally they pulled away from the kiss and both were out of breath. Oikawa was in all honestly was turned on watching the 2 boys kissing, but he ignored it for now. After that they were cuddled tightly together on the couch and watched the movie. 

~ **time skip to after the movie** ~

_~Shouyou's pov~_

I was washing my teeth in my bathroom. I couldn't be any happer right now. I had 2 boyfriends and was doing better in life. My tics haven't gotten any worse and tics where I hit myself has mostly ended. They usually only happen if I'm extreamly anxious and in panic, or when I'm having a flashback or something like that. I also was 2 weeks clean from self harm. **(A/N: we proud of** **u sunshine boi)** I've gotten new friends in my classes and me and my team have gotten closer to each other. I have also told Kageyama a lot about my life. 

Once I was done washing my teeth, I went to my bedroom. I just walked in when Iwaizumi and Oikawa were both changing their clothes. Or well more like just taking their clothes of, because they sleep in their boxers. I blushed a little but just walked in and went to the bed. "I don't own any extra matresses.. but you could sleep on my bed with me? If you want," I said, trying to hide my arms and legs under the blanket feeling self-conscious of my scars. "Well we were going to do that, if you were not going to tell us not to or if it would make you uncomfy," Oikawa said with a sweet smile. 

They both got into the bed cuddled to my side. "You don't have to hide your scars Hina-" Iwaizumi said, but couldn't finnish it befor I interupted, "Shouyou- please call me Shouyou-" They both smiled and nodded. "But rhen you need to call us with our 1st names too Shouyou," Oikawa said with a smirk. I nodded my head a little. I moved my hands from under the blanket to the top of it. I could see the slight shock, not because they were ugly or anything. They knew they were there, just didn't know there was so many of them. Some deeper and some making actual words as scars. 

Oikawa kissed few of the scars befor cuddles Shouyou closely. And they talked about stuff in the past and other random stuff befor they went to sleep. 

~ **Time skip to next morning** ~

_~Iwaizumi's pov~_

I was the 1st one awake. I couldn't be happier. When I moved a little I saw Shouyou and Oikawa cuddles tightly together,both were smiling in their sleep. I couldn't help but smile at the 2 and kiss their heads befor I got up from the bed. I went to the kitchen and started to make some breakfast.

I was middle of making pancakes when I heared foot steps and a small yawn behind me. "Morning Iwa- Hajime," said Hinata with tiny and tired voice. He snaped his fingers and hummed a little. "You making pancakes?" He asked. I nodded my head and fliped the pancake. "Whoo! W-whoo-" said Hinata happily fist bumping to the air. I laughed a little, 'cute' I tought while smiling. 

Shouyou was sitting at the table on a chair while talking to me happily while I made breakfast. He slaped the table top few times, that seemed to wake Oikawa up, because some groaning could be heard from the bathroom. Then shifting of the sheets befor finnaly slow and lazy foot steps. "Morning.." said Oikawa while yawning. "Morning Oi- Tooru!" Said Shouyou happily. "How do u have so much energy so early?" Oikawa asked what made Hinata laugh. I put the pancakes to the table and after that I put 3 plates with forks to the table. 

Oikawa sat down and started to eat. And so did I. Hinata started to eat little after, he was eating little slow, but me and Oikawa both knew eating was still little hard for him, but he tried his best. He could atleast keep it down now, and didn't feel as bad about it. 

"You wana go out? Like for a date?" Asked Oikawa while eating his pancakes. Shouyou looked at Oikawa and smiled. "I would love to!" He said with loud voice. Iwaizumi just nodded as an anwser. 

And later that day they went to a date. They went to movies, ate in a restaurant and walked at the beach together. Iwaizumi and Oikawa walked Shouyou back to his apartment, got their bags and went back to their own homes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Word count: 1950
> 
> A/N: heyy! Sorry, I'm not very good at writing fluff :( so this chapter might be little boring, but I still hope you enjoyed! I still have few ideas for this fanfic befor it finnishes uwu
> 
> I hope you will have an amazing day/night!


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: heyy! Welcome to the next chapter! I hope you will enjoy it!
> 
> Also this chapter will be again few month skip from the other one,meaning Iwaizumi, Oikawa and Hinata has been dating for few months now! 
> 
> ⚠️ ! Warning, this chapter contains: panic attacks, self harm, suicide attempt, homophobia and rape ¡ ⚠️

~ **Time skip of few months** ~

_~Shouyou's pov~_

The past few months have been great, me and my partners are close and talk to each other all the time. We have had more sleep overs and I have tried my best to tell my partners about my past more, It usually ended up me breaking down and crying. They told me I'm safe now and they will do anything to keep me safe. Oikawa also said he will kill my parent and stuff if they ever get close to me again. 

My team is also going to a training camp in tokyo! There will be people from other schools, like Nekoma, Fukurodani and even aoba johsai, meaning I will have my 2 beautiful boyfriends there the whole 2 weeks. I have also grown close to Kenma, from nekoma. Don't tell kageyama, but I think me and Kenma are even closer friends than us. (kageyama and Hinata) We met in a game we had between us at Nekoma, and I felt that he was somehow different. But it all changed when Kenma had accidently walked into the changing room while I was changing. I went into panic attack. 

_**~flashbacks~** _

I was changing my clothing after practise match we had with Nekoma. It was nice game, it was my 2nd practise match! It was fun, and I didn't feel dizzy and didn't faint. What was good. Also a lot of the times we got points my fist bumbed the air and I yelled "whoo!"

Suddenly the door opend. I looked to the door fastly and froze. It was Kenma, Nekoma's setter. Kemna was looking at my arms and legs. I started to breath heavily and I went into a panic attack. I was trying to take deep breaths, but it was hard. I fell to the floor and curled up into a ball. 

'Stupid! Now you defenetly can't be

friends with him! He will hate you!' My head was screaming. I wanted to be friends with Kenma! I was in full panic attack breathing heavily but short breaths, crying and shaking a lot. My tics also didn't help it. My head kept jerking to the side, it was starting to get painfull. 

But suddenly I felt someone next to me. I tried to see who it was, it was little hard bc of my head jerking to the side and my eyes being blurry from the tears. But from what I did see was that it was Kenma. He was telling me that it's okay and that I'm safe. He also told me that he isn't judging me for my past. He was really nice about me and my scars. He helped me calm down, and it was helping. After a little while he huged me after I gave him the premmision to. 

We were like that for a while, till I was fully calm. Both of us were quiet befor Kenma asked, "is everything okay? Do you selfharm?" I looked et Kenma a little and bit my lip. 'Should I tell him?' I tought inside my head. 

After a little I explained Kenma everything that has happend to me. Kenma just held me close and told me how he was sorry and that I didn't deserve it. 

After that Kenma moved and lifted his jackets sleeves. I was little shocked to see scars. There weren't that many, they were little red scars. I looked up to him.

"I used to feel really lonely and sad- and because my dad, who I lived with, was homophobic I never felt safe... so I started to cut myself.. it wasn't that often, and I didn't have anything super sharp but yeah- after a while Kuroo found out- and he helped me through it and now I live with him in a small apartment... we are also dating.. so yeah.. I usually just go into my own world to ignore stuff with videogames- but Kuroo also helps and makes sure I'm okay and happy," Kenma told me with a small smile. 

I huged him and told me I'm sorry, and that I'm happy that he's better now. Apperently Kenma is now year clean, and his teammates knows about the scars- most of the time no one really sees them even if he's wearing t-shirt bc they are light ones. 

We laughed for a little befor I needed to leave. Maybe I will tell my teammates about my padt too. I need to sooner or later.

_**~end of the flashback~** _

I was texting with kenma, telling him how I was excited for the training camp. 

**Kenma**

We will see tommorow Shouyou, calm down a little. I know u are excited. Also, have you told your team about your boyfriends or about the scars yet? 

**Shouyou**

I'm so excited! My 1st even training camp!🤩 And no, I have been too scared to tell them-🙈 but I will soon, I was thinking about telling to them today at evening practise, with Hajime and Tooru- since they are free this evening.. ☺

**Kenma**

Okay, as long as you will tell them. I will go now tho, the practise is starting... talk to you later Sho. And good luck telling them.

**Shouyou**

Okayy! Have fun in practise!! And thanks, talk to you later! 😁

I closed my phone after I checked any messages I have gotten. Then I got up from my bed and went to eat some lunch. I opened my fridge ad took one of the lunches Hajime's mom has made me and some juice Tooru's mom have bought me. I went to the table and started to eat. "Thank you for the meal!" I said happily. 

~ **time skip to the end of practise** ~

_~3rd person's pov~_

Shouyou was little anxious about telling his teammates about the stuff. He went to a bench and yelled to get everyone's attention, "I have something to tell you!" 

Everyone stoped what they were doing and stared at Shouyou, befor walking to him. "Okay, you can tell us," Sugawara said sweetly. Shouyou nodded his head and walked to the gyms door to let Hajime and Tooru into the gym. Karasuno's team was confused why their rival teams setter and ace was there,but didn't say anything. 

After they got back to the bench, Shouyou took deep breaths and his head jerked to the side. Then after calming his nerves a little he started to tell his teammates about the stuff. He started with showing his arms and his legs. His teammates was shocked about all the scars. Then Shouyou told about his past from few years ago, about the abuse and bad names, him getting kicked out, self harm, panic attacks, etc. Shouyou was crying at the end of telling it, because it still was hard to tell about it. Everyone but Hajime, Tooru and Kageyama was in shock about what they were just told. Sugawara walked to Shouyou and huged him slightly. 

( **A/N: sorry, I'm lazy to write every word about telling about the stuff lol** )

Shouyou was happy that his team was ok with him, even after knowing his dark past and his scars. 

After calming down from the crying, Shouyou told about his relationship with Tooru and Hajime. The team was once again, shocked, but also protective. 

"If you will hurt him, I swear to god I will hunt you down!" Screamed Noya with Tanaka. Everyone, but Saltyshima, was protective and telling how they will get hurt if they will hurt their baby crow. But Tooru and Hajime just laughed and promised they won't hurt him. 

Karasuno cleaned rest of the gym, and then went to change and weng to their own homes. Since they needed good rest, since they need to leave early tommorow morning. 

~ **time skip to little after** **practise** ~

Shouyou was walking back home, Tooru and Hajime already had left earlier, because their parents needed them at home. They wanted to walkShouyou home, but shouyou just said it's okay.

After telling his team Shouyou had felt like a big weight had disapeard from his shoulders. He was feeling better, because he didn't need to hide anymore, everything will be better,

or so Shouyou tought atleast. But suddenly someone grabed Shouyou's arm tightly. He froze to place trying not to breath, too scared to move or make a noise. Suddenly the strange person talked, Shouyou could feel panic hitting him, because he knew the voice. A voice he hoped to never hear again, Max, Shouyou's "mother's" new partners son. 

Shouyou tried to take deep breaths, atleast it wasn't the worse from the 2, thank god it isn't Jake, but it's still bad. Suddenly Max pulled him from the road to the dark woods behind a tree. Shoyou was pushed against a tree. "Whats up whore. I saw u had 2 boyfriends. Wasn't happy enough with only one bitch?" Max whisperd to my ear and started to touch me all over. Shiuyou tried to struggle away, but his hold was too strong. Suddenly I felt his lips on my neck. He started to leave marks. 

Max's tongue and lips went all over Shouyou's neck, he was leaving nasty looking hickeys. Shouyou's eyes were blurry and he had hard time breathing bc of the panic attack being so close. He tried to get away, but Couldn't. Shouyou just was pushed even closer to the tree and his shirt was taken away. Max played with Shouyou's nipples and left msrks to there too. He also bit Shouyou's neck and chest. Shouyou started to move even more trying to get away. "Stop moving! You like shit like this don't you, you gay shit," Max screamed while he was trying to pull Shouyou's and his own pants down. (A/N: not going ti write all of it.) And then Max did it, he raped Shouyou. 

_~shouyou's pov~_

I just had gotten back home. I was shaking, cold, in panic and felt disgusting. I didn't know who to tell, so I just decided not to, for now. I walked to my bedroom with shaky legs, bearly could walk. The stuff Max did to me was playing in my head, it didn't stop. It was awful. I didn't want it. I tried to say no, and stop and tried to get away, but I was too weak. 

I opened my closet and took a box from there. I took my phone from my bag, and went to the kitchen to take a bottle of pills. I went to the bathroom, I didn't even bother to lock the door, since I lived alone. I was shaking, trying to take deep breath but it wasn't working. My head was dizzy, eyes were blurry and I was really tired, mentally and physically. 

I opened the shower and went under it. I took a razor from the box and put it to my wrist. 'I-I'm sorry- I'm useless,'I tought as I ran the blade down from my wrists, it went deeper than it never have. I opened the bottle of pills. I unlocked my phone and I called Hajime, knowing Tooru will be there too. I ignored the pain and bleeding of my arm and waited them to anwser. 

After 2 rings Hajime anwsered "hey babe- everything alright? Are you in shower- Shouyou? Anwser me- Shouyou, what are u doing.. you are scaring us." My voice was weak, but I still tried to anwser, "hey- I-I'm sorry- hmm.. I'm s-so sorry- good bye.. i love you, take c-care okay." I swinged some pills to my hand, I knew they would hear it. And I put them into my mouth and swallowed them. "SHOUYOU! What is going on! That's it! We are coming over live!" Yelled Hajime as I heard them moving. I smiled slightly, "i'm sorry-" I said quietly, I took out the razor again, and wrote "useless" to my other arm with deep cuts, befor everything went black.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Word count: 2012
> 
> A/N: heyy everyone! I hope you enjoyed reading the chapter! It hurted me to write it- but I hope it's not confusing and I hope I did ok writing it. It became dark again lol
> 
> I hope you all had a great week! And I just wanted to say that I am so proud of you, even if u just opend your eyes today and looked at your phone. I'm so proud if u ate and drank something today, or maybe went outside for a tiny bit to get some fresh air. I'm so proud of you. You are valid no matter what ur gender, sexuality, race, religion might be! Keep going ok, it's gonna be ok. 
> 
> Have an amazing day/night! See you in next chapter!


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: heyy! I hope everyone had a lovely week! And welcome to read the next chapter of my fan fic! 
> 
> It's so crazy to me that people even read this story! I didn't expect anyone to even find it, let alone read it! But there is already 5.1K reads! That's so wild! Damn! Thank you so much for everyone who has read this and have been enjoying this fan fic! 
> 
> ⚠️ ! warning: This chapter contains, mentions of rape and suicide, mentions of self harm, break downs, panic attacks and throwing up ¡ ⚠️

_~Oikawa's pov~_

I was driving to Shouyou's place as fast as I could. Iwa-chan was on the front seat next to me. Both of us were panicing and tought about the worse. My head was full of thoughts about how I did or said something wrong, or did I not show him enough love. 

I knew Iwa-chan was thinking about the same thing. But our eyes still had some hope of us not being there too late. 

After few minutes we got to Shouyou's apartment building. We both rushed out from the car and ran to Shouyou's appartment. Iwa-chan opened the door with shaky hands. Once the door was open, we rushed into the apartment and ran to the bathroom. 

I froze in horror of what I saw. My, our boyfriend was sitting against the shower wall, covered in his own blood. "N-no- S-Shouyo-" I tried to talk. I was starting to panic more. Iwaizumi opened his phone and calles 911. "Oikawa try s-stop the bleeding- I will call help!" He yelled at me, his voice almost giving up. 

I just nodded and went to have some towels and started to press them against the bleeding cut wounds. I also tried his pulse, slow but it was there. 

It felt like forever, before the ambulance was there. They took Shouyou and rushed him to the hospital. I was shaking like a leaf when wind hits it. My hands were covered in blood. I looked at Iwa- Hajime. He was shaking and at the edge of tears. He huged me closely, and my tears started to fall. After few minutes Hajime opend his mouth, "w-we need to go to the hospital Tooru." I nodded my head. I quickly washed my hands from the blood and we went back to my car. 

After long 10 minutes we got to the hospital. We rushed in and went to the counter asking where Hinata Shouyou was. We were told that he was in room 276. We nodded thanked the nurse and went to the room. We didn't get in the room yet tho.

_~Iwaizumi's pov~_

We waited outside the room. I was holding Tooru close as he cried to my chest. I was trying not to cry. 'He's fine. He's fine. He's strong,' was going in my head with some other toughts. 

After few minutes a doctor came out from the room. Me and Tooru stood up. "I-is he okay?" I asked the doctor. "Are you somehow related to Hinata Shouyou?" The doctor asked us. "We are his boyfriends- h-his own family don't really care and dis-disowned them," I said stuttering a little.

The doctor nodded his head. "He's okay, he lost lots of blood, but we gave him some so the stuff will go to normal. He had deep cuts on his arm, we closed them with stitches. His body had some strong medication in them, but we flushed as much as we could out- he's asleep rn will most likely be for a little while. Once he wakes up he will feel weak and might throw up and stuff. But he will be alright. Apperently also, looking at his medical records, he has tried to kill himself befor. Oh and he has hickeys all over his body- we don't know who they are- but are those from you since u told u were his boyfriends?" 

We both shook our heads. The doctor nodded and wrote that into the clipboard. "Okay, well we will look into it more and run some more tests. And once he wakes up we need to ask about this. You can go into the room, he just won't be responding bc he is asleep," the dictor said befor walking away. 

We walked into the room Shouyou was in. Tooru started crying again and went to besides Shouyou and held his hand. "W-what happend- w-who did this to you," Tooru asked and kisses Shouyou's hand. "We-we should tell Karasuno team- a-and tell that we aren't g-going to the training camp," Tooru sobbed. I nodded my head while trying to hold back my tears. "I will go call everyone about what happened," I said quietly and left the room to make the calls for others. 

~ **small time skip** ~

_~3rd person't pov~_

Kenma run trough the hospital room what made Tooru jump a little. "What happend! I came as soon as I could- why is there no one else yet?" Kenma was shooting us with guestions. "W-we don't know what is taking the others so long... but how d-did u get here from Tokyo is so s-short amount of time?" Iwaizumi asked trying to wipe his tears away. 

"I drive here- as fast as I could- I also told Kuroo that we will not have the training camp.. bc of this...," kenma said quietly. Kenma had some tears in his eyes too. Why wouldn't he? His bestfriend tried to killhimself! Kenma walked to the chair next to Shouyou's hospital bed and sat down. "I-is he.. is he okay?" Kenma asked. We both nodded, befor Tooru told Kenma what happened and what the doctor told us. 

Kenma was shaking and curled up a little befor nodding his head. 

After few minutes some of the people from Karasuno came into the room, Sugawara, Daitchi and Kageyama. They all asked the same guestion if Shouyou was okay. And they got the same anwser as Kenma did. 

~ **time skip of** **a week** ~ 

_~Shouyou's pov~_

I opened my eyes slowly. It was bright. 'Am I in heaven?' I tought, as I heared some people talking. I blinked few times befor my eyes could focuse again. White cealing. 'Hospital?' I tought. I moved my head and saw some machines and moved it to the other side and saw Hajime and Tooru. I smiled sligtly and tried to speak, "ha-hajime- to-tooru," but it came out as small mumbles. 

But they heared me. I saw their heads turn to me and their eyes widened and they smiled at me. "Hey Sho," Said Tooru sweetly while taking hold of my hand. Hajime pressed some button next to the bed, probably to call a nurse in. "Hey love, how are you feeling?" Asked Hajime. I smiled and tried to anwser, "I'm ok- I feel little s-sick tho- I- I need to thr-" befor I could even finnish my sentence I sat up slightly. Hajime seemed to umderstand and moved a trashcam next to me, and I threwup to that. It was just some foam looking stuff and my stomach acid. 

After few minutes, that felt like forever, a lovely looking young nurse walked into the room. "Good to see you awake Hinata, I am your nurse, you can call me Julia. If u need anything u can just press the button. But for now, I will do some basic check up and change ur bandaits," the nurse, Julia, said with a sweet voice. He checked my eyes, hearing, voice, throat, etc asked me how I was feeling and changed the bandaids. "You need to have the bandaids on for little bit more, and then we take the stitches off and u can let the wound breath more now that you are awake. I will go get a doctor now, so u will be asked some questions," she said again befor left the room.

I tried not to look at Hajime and Tooru, I wanted to, but I was too embarrased and shamed about me doing it again. I never wanted to hurt them, but it was too much at that point. Tooru was holding my hand and smiling, why were he smiling? Shouldn't he be disapointed? 

After few minutes a tall doctor walked into the room. "Hello Shouyou, I am a dr. Haru. I am a going to ask you few questions about your past, and what have happend, and what will happen now, if that is okay ofc," the doctor, Haru, said. 

I nodded my head, since I knew it needed to be done. My head jerked to the side 1st time since I woke up. It happened few times in a row and then I hummed and yelled "fuck!" I blushed and hid my face. "S-sorry," I mumbled quietly. 

"That's alright, so it said here that u have tourettes. Tics seems to be fairly calm, so there is not a lot of them or all the time? And they aren't super strong yet?" Haru asked me calmly.

"I-I guess- They sometimes happen less- but they still happen a lot but nothing too severe yet.. mostly just stuff with my hands or neck- and saying stuff.." I anwsered.

Haru nodded his head. "They might get stronger sooner or later. But I were also told you live alone? And that you were kicked out? How do you pay for the apartment?" He asked again. 

"Umm.. my- my mom... pays for it... and he gives me a little bit money everymonth... s-since I can't work yet... b-but she will probably stop paying it when I turn 18..." I said while looking down to my fingers. My head jerked to the side again and I hummed. 

Haru nodded once again and wrote it down to his notes on the clipboard. "You also go to therapy. Have been going for a while now. You have been here befor for the same matter like right now.. so now will come the questions that might make you uncomfy or unplesant. Tell me if u want to stop, and we wilk continue once u feel more comfy with it, okay?" Haru told me. 

I nodded my head and made lil poping sound with my mouth and played with my fingers. "O-okay," I said quietly. Tooru and Hajime both took hold of my hand. 

"So, how long have you been self harming? And have u ever tried to stop?" Haru asked me calmly. 

I tought for a little bit befor I anwsered,"well I've s-self harmed for a w-while now... like few years? A-and I did try to stop- a-after me, Hajime a-and Tooru got together... I w-was about 3months c-clean... befor something happened a-an-and I did it..."

"So, what was it that hapend befor u did it?" Haru went straight to the point. 

I took a deep breath and started to shake thinking about it. "I-I.... I w-was r-raped- w-while I-I..." I tried to stay calm and take few deep breaths but panic was taking the best of me. "I- I was walking b-back home a-after practise," I muttered and I felt tears fall from my eyes. I was starting to get bad flashback to the events of that night and I curled up and went into a bad panic attack. I was shaking my head and kept saying 'sorry, stop- please- i don't want this.' 

I was back in the dark night of me getting raped. I didn't want to think about it. I just wanted to feel safe again. I tried to take my mind out from the place but couldn't. Then I hears Haru talk again, telling me how to calm down and how to ground myself. 

After long 10 minutes I calmed down enough to get my toughts away from the night and I was gasping for air. I looked around the room to see where I was, safe in hospital with my boyfriends with me. I took deep breaths and calmed myself down. 

My hand moved and hit my leg few times as a tic and my head jerked to the side fastly few times in a row. 

"I think that is enough for now, thank you for telling me Hinata, I will get some therapists and some doctors to run some test to make sure everything is okay, also, you will be staying here at our watch for a little bit." Haru said as he was standing up. "I will get to you later and we will try talk more about it if that is okay to you."

I nodded my head. And saw the doctor leave the room. I looked at Tooru and Hajime. "I-I'm sor-" befor I could even finnish my sentence Toory was hugging me. "I'm so happy you are here with us- I'm so happy you didn't go," Tooru said to me. "We are proud that u fighted trough it and are still here. Ofc we were sad u did it, but you are still here. You, we, will get trough this okay?" 

I nodded my head and cried to Tooru's Shoulder. Hajime joined to the hug and hold us both. I was so happy I had these people in my life. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Word count: 2180
> 
> A/N: heyy! Sorry this chapter took longer to write and I was lazy and busy! 
> 
> But here u go *yeets the chapter to your face* 
> 
> I hope everyone is having a great day!


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: helloo! I'm sorry I didn't post last week! I had lots of school work and was kind of unmotivated to write on the free time I had :) 
> 
> I hope all of you are doing great tho! And I hope u enjoy this chapter! 
> 
> ⚠️ ! WARNING; this chapter contains, starving (ed), throwing up, self harm, mentions of panic attacks and rape ¡ ⚠️

_~Shouyou's pov~_

(A small "recap" of shouyou's life rn)

I've been stuck to the hospital for a week now. I'm getting out today tho, since they said it was okay for me to go back home. They had taken some test to make sure everything was okay at my downstairs. It was okay, other than some little scabbing bc of it had bled a little. 

Kenma also had visited me a lot. We played video games together and just chatted. He asked me how I was doing, and I usually anwsered truthfully. 

My teammates, especially kageyama and sugawara, has come to visit me too. It was pretty much just chatting about everything. I was also informed that the training camp had been moved to later, because everyone was little fucked up over me trying to kill myself. 

I also told everything to the police, it took some time and I had many panic attacks while telling, but I did. They also took pictures of me, with my permmision ofc. They sued Max for what he did, and the pictures and some dna of him they found of me was a big proof. He's now in prison. 

I got a call from my mother also, but it was about telling me how disapointed he was on me and how I ruined her happy life and stuff like that. She also will stop being "nice" and stops paying my bills and giving me the little money. Meaning I need to move in with someone of get a job. Hajime said I can move in with him and Tooru tho, because they have tought about moving out, but for now it's just an idea. I will maybe move in to Hajime's and try finding some job so I can buy my own stuff I need. 

I was looking at myself from the mirror of my hospital rooms bathroom. I just had washed myself and put some clothes one. Because today was the day I would get out from the hospital. We had put my apartment out to be sold, and today me, Hajime and Tooru were going to pack the stuff I will need. 

"Shouyou? Are you here?" A voice, that I reconized as Hajime's, came from the room. I walked to him from the bathroom and smiled a little. "Sorry, I was in the bathroom cleaning myself up," I said. He nodded. "Tooru is waiting for us at the car, so let's go now then. We got you checked out and we can leave," Hajime said as he took hold of my hand. I interwieved our fingers and smiled at him nodding, telling I was ready to go. 

My arm was mostly healed, and all the medication was out of my body also. I still felt little sick, because I haven't aten a lot, but I will be fine. 

Hajime and I got outside and Tooru was at the front with his car smiling from the front seat. We got in, and Tooru started to drive to my old house so we could pack stuff up. 

~ **time skip to after packing** ~

I was watching as Hajime and Tooru carried the few boxes. I was told not to carry any boxes, because I have just gotten out from the hospital. I really wanted to help, but I also knew it wouldn't be for the best, because I could get dizzy and faint and fall. 

Good thing was, that there were only few boxes, bc I don't have a lot of stuff I really need with me. I only had my clothes, school and volleyball stuff, chragers and like hygien stuff. 

~ **time skip after moving** ~

After we were at Hajime's house and got the boxes inside, we were cuddling on the Hajime's bed. I had my eyes closed as I was leaning to Hajime's shoulder. Then I felt an arm touch my waist and I flinched and opened my eyes and looked at who had just touched me. I calmed down and relaxed when I noticed it was Tooru. 

"Sorry- I didn't mean to scare you," Tooru said quietly. "No- it's okay- I guess I just fliched bc of me having eyes closed- I'm so-sorry for being so messed up," I apologied. My hand moved a little and I hit my leg with my fist few times neck bobbing back a bit. 

After us cuddling for a while and just talking, we were called to eat dinner. We got up and went to the dining table. I wasn't feeling hungry, but I knew I should eat, so ms. Iwaizumi's cooking won't go for waist. I took tiny bit of food and sat down to the table. While we ate, we talked about school, volleyball and other stuff like that. It was very lovely. 

After dinner we went back to Hajime's room. Sadly we needed to say bye to Oikawa, who needed to go back home. 

We were chelling with hajime for a bit, we took a shower and went to bed. 

~ **Time skip of few weeks** ~

_~3rd person's pov~_

Shouyou has been staying at Hajime's place for few weeks now. Everything has been great, other than Shouyou not eating enough and his bad havit of self harming again. Hajime and Tooru has been catching up on it, and will start trying to make Shouyou eat more and get him away from self harm. 

Shouyou also haven't been walking alone from school or went anywhere alone other than the houses yard. Someone, usually Kageyama, walks Shouyou to school. And Hajime and Tooru walks Shouyou back home from school and practise if they can. They go grocery shopping together and to walks and for runs. 

It's because Shouyou feels unsafe and scared walking alone,esspecially in dark. and of course Hajime and Tooru and everyone else wanting to make sure he's okay. 

Shouyou was walking alone from grocery store. He wasn't that scared, because it was middle of the day. Also because he has been talking about it a lot to his therapist, so Shouyou is more scared of his "family" attacking him and doing stuff like that than other people, so because some of the family is still free it's scaring him. Because they can attack when ever he's alone. 

Shouyou was trying to walk fastly back home with the groceries he promised to get while Hajime and Tooru are in practise, and ms. Iwaizumi was at work. 

Shouyou heard a very fimiliar voice behind him. He looked back and froze 'mom,' he tought. Shouyou's mother and the new partner Jack, was there, walking to him. He tried to move away, but he was frozen to the spot. 

Shouyou felt a slap on his face and fell backwoards to the floor groceries going everywhere. He looked at his mother in horror. "You little whore! What did you do! Why did you tell the police! You deserved it, you have deserved everything bad that has ever happend to you. You are stupid little brat! Now my perfect and smart son is in prison, because u couldn't handle the shit u deserved!" Shouyou was trying to stand up but was kicked back down. 

Shouyou's toughts were catching to him, he took his phone from his pocket a little without them noticing and started to record everything so they could hear what was happenig. 

Shouyou was kicked again and he coughed up some blood. There were no one around at that time, so it was just Shouyou, his mother and the new partner in the quiet street. 

Jack kicked Shouyou hard and grabed him by his hair and pulled him up. "You, are the reason no one can be happy. You are the reason my son is now in prison and can't sucsess in life. Learn your fucking place faggot," Jack said with calm voice close to my ear. 

Shouyou was trying his best not to tic, it was pain, but didn't want anything even worse to happen because of his tics. 

"You have 2 days to come back to my home and get settled. We will have you a small room... you will be doing all the cleaning, cooking, everything. And you are no allowed to do volleyball anymore," shouyou's mother said as she kicked Hinata with her heels. "And. If I won't see you in 2 days, something bad will be happening to all 3 of you, you and your lil faggot boyfriends," She said as she started to walk away. 

Shouyou was still being held by Jack, who pulled him to a small alley from the bigger street. He was pushed to a wall and punched. After a while of Jack beating him up, jack had left. Shouyou fell to the ground getting a bad tick attack and cried a lot. His face was swollen, his stomach hurt and his legs were in bad bruises. 

After calmind down enough, to the tic attack to stop, and his eyes red and puffy from crying. He took his phone and stped the recording. Then he texted to Hajime, because he was 1st in the contacts 

**Shou**

Help- 

(*attachemt of the address*) 

Read ✔

After a while of waiting, Hajime and Tooru ran to Shouyou, who were fainted on the ground. Tooru tried to wake him up, but nothing happend. Hajime picked Shouyou up from the ground and they went back home. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Word count: 1600
> 
> A/N: hello! Sorry this took me forever to write, because 1. I've been busy with school. 2. I've been lazy and 3. I've been pretty unmotivated to write lately :'D 
> 
> But I hope u enjoyed this chapter! It's little shorter than usually, but I hope it's okay haha. I'm not the proudest of this chapter, but it's okay- I def need to start writing my stuff out befor making them haha
> 
> I also have tought about new fan fic ideas :) I have a few, but I wana know your oppinion on what kind of stoey you want? What fandom and do u want some ship into it? 
> 
> Also, this story will be done very soon :) like 1 or 2 more chapters haha  
> My stories are sometimes very messy and don't always go together the best bc I forget to write or am too lazy them out and think how they work, befor I write the chapter lol- 
> 
> I hope everyone have had good few weeks! Have an amazing day/night!!

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Hope u liked the 1st chapter! I try to add more chapters when ever I can and try to make the story entertaining!


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